Grandad Jokes, Batch #135
From the section Never Grow Up of the book Grandad Jokes.
1926
He was the ultimate handyman.
He won the Nobel Prize
in furniture assembly.
1927
Synonym for narcissist —
selfie.
1928
The computer was interested in everything.
He had electric taste.
1929
The vegetable went to law school
and became an avocado for green energy.
1930
He wanted a career solving crimes.
So he went to school and became
a defective.
1931
Ichabod Crane woke up
after more than 200 years
in 2022
and found himself in
Sleepy Hollowgram.
1932
He became a radiologist
in hopes he could get a job
a radio announcer.
1933
Santa bought a summer house in Antarctica.
He’s now bipolar.
1934
The donkey became a seamstress
because she was good at hemming and hawing.
1935
Beware of the time monster —
he ate yesterday.
1936
The gynecologist
has a midwife crisis.
1937
Suggested name for a new magazine
competing with The Economist
and targeted at the wealthy —
The Spendthrift.
1938
Prayer of a British sailor —
Now I limey
down to sleep…
1939
When she needed exercise,
she jogged
her memory
and let her nose run.
1940
He went to the dentists’ office
to get his blue tooth fixed.
While he was there
they also took care of his over byte.
1941
What did the bard say
when he finished reciting the Iliad —
“That’s a rhap.”
1942
He began to have his doubts
when he learned that her favorite piece of music
was the Golddigger Variations.
1943
The psychotherapist was an expert
with the hypothetical needle.
1944
When the pandemic was at its worst,
the hospital hired a forest ranger
for tree-age.
1945
She never got around to cleaning up.
She was washywishy.
1946
The coffee table greeted her new owner —
“At your surface.”
1947
Non-binary autograph —
“With love,
to my
grandwhatever.
1948
He always wanted to be an author,
but never got around to it,
until he died.
Then he became a ghost writer.
1949
Fear of visitors is
guestrophobia.
1950
The world may be round,
but the tire is flat.
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