Grandad Jokes, Batch #47
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
726
When his body began to fial,
they put him on a feeding tube.
When his mind began to fail,
they put him on a YouTube.
727
The elderly widower donned a powdered wig
and the clothing of a gentleman from the days of Charles II.
He had been alone for a long time
but now he really wanted
to be dated.
728
When she became a vegetarian
and he refused to follow suit,
they divorced;
and he wistfully told her,
“Some day we’ll meat again.”
729
If you are n a ship and nature calls
and the bathroom is occupied,
where should you go?
The poop deck.
730
Career choice —
social media or advertising?
blogging or flogging?
731
The author enjoyed hearing his own words,
so he put on a jacket that
repeated everything he said.
It was a doublet.
732
Very few insects have names.
One exception was a Japanese beetle —
Yoko Ono
733
On Match he explained that he wasn’t
a hermit and a curmudgeon.
Rather he was a social caterpillar
with no desire to become a butterfly.
734
If the bene fits
wear it.
735
The perfect gift
for a heavy-drinking musician —
Bach beer.
736
I can play musical instruments.
But, unfortunately, I can’t serious them.
737
She went by boat every day
from Staten Island to Manhattan
and back again,
hoping that one day she would meet
her Good Ferry.
738
The four-year-old boy put on a pilot’s helmet
and headed for the chicken shed.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asked his mother.
“I’m going to fly the coop.”
739
Why did the New York police force recruit spiders?
For their sting operations.
740
Why did the New York police force recruit perfume?
For their stink operations.
741
Where did Noah’s sons move?
New Ark, New Jersey
742
What’s the favorite puzzle game in Aruba?
Arubics cube
743
Why did Imelda Marcos marry a bubblegum manufacturer?
Because she heard he had millions of chews.
744
Dogs make good bark tenders.
745
What did one nuclear reactor say to the other?
Let’s go fishin’
746
A couple of circles were walking up the street.
They passed a triangle
and one of the circles whistled.
“That’s a cute angle.”
747
“Can you teach me how to kel?”
“Kel? What’s kel?”
Well, I already know how to snore,
and I’d like to be able to snor-kel.
748
An army troop found itself stranded and lost
in the middle of the Sahara desert.
They had a jeep but had no idea which way to head.
So the driver started driving in an S pattern over and over again.
Then they had a jeepy S
and their problem was solved.
749
What’s the extra fee you pay in a restaurant when you bring your kids?
The cubber charge
750
The favorite dish in New York
is central pork.
