Grandad Jokes, Batch #50
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
801
Did you hear about the rookie lawyer
who went to a women’s clothing store
because he needed briefs?
802
Why are bald eagles becoming extinct?
Rogaine
803
Most Mexican food is hot.
What Mexican food is cold?
brrr itos
804
What Florida city was founded by a Mexican Indian tribe?
Maya ami
805
What do you call someone who wears two watches?
A two timer
806
Why did the lady with the messy hair look for a beehive?
She hoped to find a honey comb.
807
What western hero never paid his bills?
Wild Bill Hickok
808
What did Francis Drake give Queen Elizabeth for her birthday?
A sir kiss on the cheek.
809
What do you call a strawberry with wings?
A fruit fly.
810
What would be a good name for a spokesperson for French wineries?
Grape Suzette.
811
What did the lady log say to her husband?
You look very extinguished.
812
What did the near-sighted lady say when she walked through a warehouse full of ladders?
What’s rung with these people?
813
Did you hear about the pregnant rope who had twines?
814
If you wanted to travel from Time Square to Russell Square, what kind of ticket should you buy?
A square trip ticket
815
A college student who has to repeat his first year is called a refreshment.
816
Champion female deer are transparent.
They are known as “win does.”
817
What type of dessert was invented by an ape?
Merangutan
818
What did the coffee say when he joined alcoholics anonymous?
“It happened every morning. I was in my cups and then I was drunk.”
819
When a dinghie goes bezerk,
how do you get it under control?
With a ding bat.
820
What do cows wear?
Udder pants.
That’s udderly ridiculous.
821
Annie Oakley was much more accurate with her shooting when she was chewing bubble gum.
That’s why the crowd would shout
“Annie get your gum!”
822
What do you call it when a woman boss hits on a man at the office?
His-assment
823
What was the comedian’s favorite venue?
The Statue of Liberty.
He liked to perform ad lib.
824
In the middle of the desert, a dying man was saved by a beautiful woman.
They married.
They had 10 children and 30 grandchildren.
Then he woke up and realized it was a mar-age
825
Where did the convict go to live when he was released from prison?
An ex-condominium.
