Grandad Jokes, Batch #54

Richard Seltzer
2 min readMay 15, 2022
Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes

901

When he was tired of being king,

Babar abdicated,

and bought a villa in Florence.

He converted it to a hotel

which he named

the Elephant’s Tuskany.

902

The mother was living in the living room

The children were making a din in the dinning room.

The artist was drawing in the drawing room.

All was write with the world.

903

The sandpaper became an author

because he had a natural talent for friction.

904

After changing a light bulb

the team of Polish electricians said,

“Many hands make light work.”

905

“Hash tag”

sounds like a food fight game.

906

Little known fact:

the Army developed global positioning

for its vehicles in World War II

and named it

Jeep PS.

907

When Snoopy was drafted into the Army,

he became a beagle boy.

908

The Dalmatian did all his shopping

at Dogmart,

because they have free barking.

909

The ancient Romans studied coronavirus and its mutations.

Hence their classic work of medical research —

Covid’s Metamorphoses.

910

Santa’s wisdom —

And who can tell the Dancer

from the Prancer?

911

The depth of my ignorance is not unfathomable.

It’s mark twain.

912

The World War II pilot avoided dogfights,

for fear of catching rabies.

913

Definition of “pre-zoom” —

To write the minutes of an online meeting

before it is held.

914

The world has become a happier place since film cameras became obsolete.

No negative connotations.

915

“How dust thou?”

With a dust cloth, sir.”

916

The immigrant collapsed on the sidewalk

and burst out in tears.

“What’s wrong ma’am?”

“It’s broken. Please help.

My English is broken.”

917

If Queen Elizabeth wrote songs and released them to the public domain,

they would be royalty free.

918

Cowhands are in high demand

because most cows

don’t have hands.

919

In the early days of parenting

you have the sleeping patterns of little feet.

920

The fourth Fate was a comedian.

She would hem the dresses her sisters sewed

and regale them with jokes.

All day she would hem and haw.

921

A witch’s flying style is

her broom shtik.

922

She was left leaning.

Her left side was more lean than her right.

923

Title of lost poem by Yeats —

No Man is an Ireland.

924

The poetess went on a diet

hoping to improve

her figure

of speech.

925

But she couldn’t resist the temptation of French fries

and became a potato-ess.

Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

List of Richard’s other jokes, stories, poems and essays.

--

--

Richard Seltzer

His recent books include Echoes from the Attic, Grandad Jokes, Lizard of Oz, Shakespeare'sTwin Sister, To Gether Tales. and Parallel Lives, seltzerbooks.com