Grandad Jokes, Batch #54
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
901
When he was tired of being king,
Babar abdicated,
and bought a villa in Florence.
He converted it to a hotel
which he named
the Elephant’s Tuskany.
902
The mother was living in the living room
The children were making a din in the dinning room.
The artist was drawing in the drawing room.
All was write with the world.
903
The sandpaper became an author
because he had a natural talent for friction.
904
After changing a light bulb
the team of Polish electricians said,
“Many hands make light work.”
905
“Hash tag”
sounds like a food fight game.
906
Little known fact:
the Army developed global positioning
for its vehicles in World War II
and named it
Jeep PS.
907
When Snoopy was drafted into the Army,
he became a beagle boy.
908
The Dalmatian did all his shopping
at Dogmart,
because they have free barking.
909
The ancient Romans studied coronavirus and its mutations.
Hence their classic work of medical research —
Covid’s Metamorphoses.
910
Santa’s wisdom —
And who can tell the Dancer
from the Prancer?
911
The depth of my ignorance is not unfathomable.
It’s mark twain.
912
The World War II pilot avoided dogfights,
for fear of catching rabies.
913
Definition of “pre-zoom” —
To write the minutes of an online meeting
before it is held.
914
The world has become a happier place since film cameras became obsolete.
No negative connotations.
915
“How dust thou?”
With a dust cloth, sir.”
916
The immigrant collapsed on the sidewalk
and burst out in tears.
“What’s wrong ma’am?”
“It’s broken. Please help.
My English is broken.”
917
If Queen Elizabeth wrote songs and released them to the public domain,
they would be royalty free.
918
Cowhands are in high demand
because most cows
don’t have hands.
919
In the early days of parenting
you have the sleeping patterns of little feet.
920
The fourth Fate was a comedian.
She would hem the dresses her sisters sewed
and regale them with jokes.
All day she would hem and haw.
921
A witch’s flying style is
her broom shtik.
922
She was left leaning.
Her left side was more lean than her right.
923
Title of lost poem by Yeats —
No Man is an Ireland.
924
The poetess went on a diet
hoping to improve
her figure
of speech.
925
But she couldn’t resist the temptation of French fries
and became a potato-ess.
