Grandad Jokes, Batch #59
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
1026
Why do we have to dye?
Because authors want to be red.
1027
Slogan of deodorant deniers:
I stink,
therefore I am.
1028
The doctor was a wizard at improving the spirits of cancer patients.
He could say, “Be nine!”
And suddenly the patient would be dressed to the nines.
1029
After the rookie made beginner blunders,
the strip club owner
gave her a dressing down.
1030
With the pub date approaching
the author scheduled a party
at his neighborhood pub.
1031
It took years for the detective to sort it all out,
but eventually he arrived at the sorted truth.
1032
Satan held a first-novel contest.
The applicant needn’t have written the novel yet,
just needed to submit a sinopsis.
The winner would get his or her novel written by a pro
and published with a hybrid deal
that guaranteed it would be a best seller,
at the cost of the author’s soul.
1033
Santa’s twin brother
lives at the South Pole.
They are bipolar.
1034
What famous composer was also a butcher?
Choppin’
1035
“Why did you stop?”
“Just be pause.”
1036
Title for the next Muppet movie —
Kermit and the Green New Deal
1037
The building was a terrible novelist.
He had four stories going at once.
1038
The ghost safecracker
used a spoo-key
1039
He hated walking with her uncle.
whenever anything went wrong,
he would get down on his niece and pray.
1040
Movie about the challenges and danger of surgery —
Thoracic Park.
1041
The movie studio
did a seaquel to Moby Dick
and a desertquel to Lawrence of Arabia.
1042
Where to buy replacement chess pieces —
the pawn shop.
1043
Course descriptions should end with the abbreviation BYOM,
bring your own mind.
1044
Why did the chicken cross his eyes?
His hand was shaky.
He meant to dot them.
1045
She insisted that the dealer remove
the carburetor from her new car.
She had diabetes and
needed to limit her carb intake.
1046
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To lay an egg.
1047
Have you heard the Israeli fairytale about
Goldie Lox and the three bagels.
1048
The laid-off railroad engineer
was extraineous.
1049
After retirement,
the submariner became a successful author.
He had lots of experience
in sub missions.
1050
The crusader refused to wear the uniform,
because he didn’t want to be known as
a cross-dresser.
