Grandad Jokes, Batch #60
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes.
1051
He studied foreign languages
because he liked using flesh cards.
1052
The floor got angry
when the janitor came back a second time.
He didn’t like to be rebuffed.
1053
Fear of Christmas should be known as
santaclaustrohobia.
1054
Trojan War movie starring Sidney Poitier —
Teucer with Love.
1055
The abstract wore a straw hat in July
because it made her feel summary.
1056
When he retired from being a character in a novel,
Heathcliffe got a job on local TV
as the Wutherman.
1057
When he went campong,
the candle brought all his paraffinalia.
1058
Each and every one of us has a time machine.
But it only goes forward
one day at a time.
1059
When you are feeling down,
remember that whenever Niagara falls,
he gets back up again.
1060
She hoped her dentist would freely embrace her.
Otherwise, braces would cost too much.
1061
I hate it when my comptuer downloads drivers.
I like to do the driving.
1062
The miser refused to use a cellphone.
He didn’t like being insulted by it.
Dozens of times a day, it would beep
“Cheap! Cheap! Cheap!”
1063
When he needed a new kitchen floor,
he went to the floorist.
1064
The right way to greet a spring flower —
How are you dewing?
1065
When the lighthouse keeper screwed up,
he was demoted to outhouse keeper.
1066
When the weightlifter collapsed and shattered,
doctors glutened him back together.
1067
The artist paid little attention to the portrait
he was being paid to do.
It was a half-arted effort.
1068
If Rodin were alive today,
perhaps he would hire my toilet as a model
for a sculpture to be known as
“The Stinker.”
1069
It’s hard to stay fit
when you don’t fit in your clothes.
1070
Unfortunately, feedback is often
a synonym for vomit.
1071
He turned down the offer of CEO
because it was a dead-end job,
with no chance of advancement.
1072
He’s half Japanese,
a tenth native American,
and two fifths whiskey.
1073
When the professor’s rail fence broke,
to fix it, he hired a
post doc.
1074
What is the best book about Madison Avenue?
The Any Ad by Virgil.
1075
What adhesive is popular among Eskimos?
iglue
