Grandad Jokes, Batch #63
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
1126
A king without a subject
is like a sentence without a verb.
1127
Milton got his inspiration from a trip to Vegas,
when he lost a pair of dice.
1128
Texting was invented by a medieval German knight
and perfected by a singing cowboy —
Text Ritter
1129
The would-be comedian
became a developer of electronic sounds.
If he couldn’t write a funny joke,
at least he could make a funny noise.
1130
She told him her life story
and he listened as no one had before.
Her pain went away.
At last she had heard immunity
1131
The competing chefs
had a meating of the minds.
1132
When the midget was depressed,
he remembered,
“Wife is short.”
1133
The actor couldn’t take the stress of live performance.
He went inscene.
1134
For four years we had “breaking news” every day.
Now, finally, we have healing news.
1135
Advertisement from a novelist —
Let me be your bookie.
1136
She was delighted when her parents got her braces.
She wanted to be embraced.
1137
He wasn’t a joiner.
He was a general purpose carpenter.
1138
The would-be author
went to metallurgy school
because she wanted to make her novels riveting.
1139
A snowstorm is an opportunity to learn
the meaning of the universe,
because snowbody knows …
1140
She loved lavender,
heaven scent.
1141
The giraffes lived in the necked city.
1142
The ghost was terrified
when he realized he was in the livingroom.
1143
He tested the future and found it was very bright —
150 IQ.
1144
The sun rose.
And the moon marigolded.
1145
A winning maneuver in a high-stakes pool game
is known as a
bank shot.
1146
When you find an unexpected deposit in your account,
it’s polite to say,
“Bank you very much.”
1147
After nearly a year
of being sequestered
with Santa,
his wife got
claustrophobia.
1148
I don’t have a car.
Don’t have one.
Don’t need one.
Don’t want them.
If someone wanted to give me one and even pay me to take it,
I would refuse.
It feels good to live without such a nuisance.
I can walk.
I am undefeeted.
1149
The room was dim
so he turned on
a dime.
1150
Forever is a very long time,
but five-ever is longer.
