Grandad Jokes, Batch #64
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
1151
He applied for a job
not because he needed one
but because he was feeling low
and he wanted to be highered.
1152
She couldn’t decide whether to dance or sing.
So she went dansing.
1153
The author wanted to know
how to make sliced bread
out of tweet.
1154
The author was awestruck
by the vast and beautiful
tweet field.
1155
The forest that had been decimated by loggers
became an author
because she wanted to get her paper back.
1156
A fun way to organize vaccinations —
A square dance.
“Now dosey do your partner!”
1157
Name for a rock percussionist elephant —
Drumbo
1158
Suddenly, the need to write novels
spread through the world like a contagious disease.
It came to be known as
The Great Pendemic.
1159
Paralegals help lawyers.
Paramedics help doctors.
Paragraphs help writers.
1160
She was an author with musical talent.
She could write on her computer
by playing on her keyboard
or on her guitar.
1161
The NASCAR champ
is writing his auto biography.
1162
Does a paramedic
repair parachutes?
1163
Death by words would be prose-ecution.
1164
Togetherness —
We all live in the same uni-worse.
1165
He’s not out of the woods yet,
but he’s stopped eating so he can go faster.
1166
The high-strung woman was very thin.
She explained, “I just can’t weight.”
1167
Words consist of sillyables.
Put together in the write way,
they can achieve the honor
of becoming jokes.
1168
Having computer problems,
he dreamt his mouse
became a rat
and attacked him,
giving him a gigabyte,
of permanent memory.
1169
Theme song for professionals movers —
“Hello, dolly.”
1170
Newly coined word —
“mindpo.”
A mistake in typing not caused by scrambled letters or
by spell check.
Rather you think one word
and type another.
1171
It wasn’t self-serve
and there were no waiters/waitresses.
This restaurant was strictly
secret service.
1172
Suggested novel title —
Cheerios and the Cereal Killer.
1173
They didn’t elect the kangaroo president
because of fears that
he would use his pocket veto.
1174
Diagnosed with uncureable cancer
he confessed to first degree murder
in hopes that he would get a life sentence.
He needed life.
1175
Rather than go to a movie theater,
or watch on a DVD,
I now watch horror movies
screaming.
