Grandad Jokes, Batch #65
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
1176
When she retired,
she moved to Florida
and became
a Palm Bitch.
1177
When Stendhal had writer’s block
he went to his chapterhouse.
1178
He had a hystericalectomy —
removal of the funny bone.
1179
The alcoholic lawyer was crushed to learn of his disbarment.
1180
Authors promote their work.
Others get promoted at work.
1181
The retired sailor,
now a landlubber,
said regretfully,
“Long time no sea.”
1182
When the ale-ians arrive
will they collaborate with the beer-ians?
1183
He took shop in high school
and became an expert with a hack saw.
But when he graduated
and posted his resume on the Internet,
he couldn’t get a job as a hacker.
1184
He was an expert at finding videoclips on the web.
So he started a business called
The Clip Joint.
1185
Someone who uses a landline instead of a cellphone
is a landlubber.
1186
Congratulatory note to your ex
on the occasion of her getting a new job.
“Sorry for your boss.”
1187
Reminds me of the nun with a perpetual cold who got down on her sneeze to pray.
1188
When the butter felt ill the doctor prescribed bread rest.
1189
The guy who met the spirits of New Year’s present
ended up with a hangover.
Jack was arrested as a stalker,
a bean stalker.
1190
When a dog mated with a fruit,
they had a melon collie baby.
1191
She became a clothing designer
because she wanted to redress the wrongs of the world.
1192
The janitor specialized in mopping.
he was a floorist.
1193
When a forest ranger first deals with the plants in the most pain
that’s known as tree-age.
1194
Vader is Luke’s daddy.
Obie Wan is his deady.
1195
It wasn’t self-serve
and there were no waiters/waitresses.
This restaurant was strictly
secret service.
1196
Suggested novel title —
Cheerios and the Cereal Killer.
1197
Diagnosed with uncurable cancer
he confessed to first degree murder
in hopes that he would get a life sentence.
He needed life.
1198
She was delighted that an agent had left her a voice mail,
until she realized it was an FBI agent.
1199
The detective novel was delighted
to hear that he would have a sequel.
Mystery loves company.
1200
After having been sequestered for 14 months,
the computer was so lonely
that she looked forward to a Windows up-date.
