Grandad Jokes, Batch #65

Richard Seltzer
2 min readMay 29, 2022
Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes

1176

When she retired,

she moved to Florida

and became

a Palm Bitch.

1177

When Stendhal had writer’s block

he went to his chapterhouse.

1178

He had a hystericalectomy —

removal of the funny bone.

1179

The alcoholic lawyer was crushed to learn of his disbarment.

1180

Authors promote their work.

Others get promoted at work.

1181

The retired sailor,

now a landlubber,

said regretfully,

“Long time no sea.”

1182

When the ale-ians arrive

will they collaborate with the beer-ians?

1183

He took shop in high school

and became an expert with a hack saw.

But when he graduated

and posted his resume on the Internet,

he couldn’t get a job as a hacker.

1184

He was an expert at finding videoclips on the web.

So he started a business called

The Clip Joint.

1185

Someone who uses a landline instead of a cellphone

is a landlubber.

1186

Congratulatory note to your ex

on the occasion of her getting a new job.

“Sorry for your boss.”

1187

Reminds me of the nun with a perpetual cold who got down on her sneeze to pray.

1188

When the butter felt ill the doctor prescribed bread rest.

1189

The guy who met the spirits of New Year’s present

ended up with a hangover.

Jack was arrested as a stalker,

a bean stalker.

1190

When a dog mated with a fruit,

they had a melon collie baby.

1191

She became a clothing designer

because she wanted to redress the wrongs of the world.

1192

The janitor specialized in mopping.

he was a floorist.

1193

When a forest ranger first deals with the plants in the most pain

that’s known as tree-age.

1194

Vader is Luke’s daddy.

Obie Wan is his deady.

1195

It wasn’t self-serve

and there were no waiters/waitresses.

This restaurant was strictly

secret service.

1196

Suggested novel title —

Cheerios and the Cereal Killer.

1197

Diagnosed with uncurable cancer

he confessed to first degree murder

in hopes that he would get a life sentence.

He needed life.

1198

She was delighted that an agent had left her a voice mail,

until she realized it was an FBI agent.

1199

The detective novel was delighted

to hear that he would have a sequel.

Mystery loves company.

1200

After having been sequestered for 14 months,

the computer was so lonely

that she looked forward to a Windows up-date.

Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

List of Richard’s other jokes, stories, poems and essays.

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Richard Seltzer

His recent books include Echoes from the Attic, Grandad Jokes, Lizard of Oz, Shakespeare'sTwin Sister, To Gether Tales. and Parallel Lives, seltzerbooks.com