Grandad Jokes, Batch #66
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
1201
The dental hygienist did a floss-some job.
1202
Suggested title of book of criticism of literary criticism —
Literature Remilked or Second-dairy literature.
1203
She was a zoom addict.
So soon as she finished one,
she rezoomed.
1204
The petty criminal regretted not having gone to perp school.
“I could have been an offender.”
1205
Guinevere had heard the rumors.
She was looking forward to the invasion
of the Anglo Sexons.
1206
He asked for her help.
He wanted a career in the church.
and hoped to become a sexton.
So he was seeking biblical knowledge.
1207
What did the pedantic owl say?
Whom! Whom! Whom!
1208
They wanted to compete with Sleepy Hollow
for Halloween tourism,
so they advertised online
looking for headless horses.
1209
When something wears out
to the point that you have to trash it,
that’s use-anasia.
1210
His PC was driving him crazy.
So he waited until the end of the day
and prayed to the setting sun.
1211
What do you call a photograph from Vilnius
A lith-ograph.
1212
What bird has a perpetual cold?
The phlegm-ingo.
1213
Times have changed —
Peter Piper’s daughter
packs a peck of pepper spray.
1214
Which enemy of the Smurfs became a dental hygienist?
Gargle-mel
1215
In the winter, when a mathematician feels cold,
he throws another logarithm on the fire.
1216
She took piano lessons and practiced 5 hours a day,
in hopes that one day she could play
on the Florida Keys.
1217
His stomach was taut,
but otherwise he was ineducable.
1218
The author always made advance reservations.
He enjoyed booking everything.
1219
Elizabeth was upset when she first saw tinned sardine.
She could imagine what it would be like
to be a tin lizzie.
1220
She was filthy rich.
Her hair was all banks.
1221
He was a nervous wreck, and obsessive collector of everything,
until he finally learned to collect himself.
1222
She sprinkled tobacco ashes on her salad.
She liked the taste of ci-gar-lick.
1223
Queen Elizabeth is planning to be crowned a second time.
She believes in reincoronation.
1224
High school classmates who had all flunked math
got together every year in Alaska
and held a sled dog race.
They called it the I-Didn’t-Add.
1225
When she laughed and laughed loudly
before he said the punchline,
he suspected that she might not appreciate his jokes.
