Grandad Jokes, Batch #67

Richard Seltzer
2 min readJun 5, 2022
Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes.

1226

Good title for a couples novel —

“In Bed.”

For all those who say at night “Let’s read in bed.”

1227

He could hear her but he couldn’t tell where she was.

He had poor earsight.

1228

Title for a children’s book with a didactic theme —

Tidy.

1229

The Great Barrier Reef won the global singing competition

with its Coral Chorale.

1230

The tattoo artist wanted to work on Hercules.

Then he would have a truly impressive body of work.

1231

Name for oyster restaurant in Tel-Aviv —

Oy Vey.

1232

Reading the Magic Schoolbus stories was good preparation for college

and its silly buses.

1233

I imagine a modern Paul Revere riding through North Carolina warning,

“The rednecks are coming! The rednecks are coming!”

1234

Her ex stinked.

His rotting body was in the basement.

1235

The school of psychics

charged a high price

for intuition.

1236

The drawing was so high spirited,

it became an animated feature.

1237

She couldn’t think of anything

but what she was wearing and was going to wear.

She was clothes minded.

1238

What famous novel was written by

the Venus di Milo?

Farewell to Arms.

1239

He can’t darn a sock,

but he can say “darn” to one.

1240

She loved the sound of popcorn popping.

To her, that was pop music.

1241

The king kept the names and addresses

of all his subjects

on a rule-a-dex.

1242

She loved her forest.

So she installed webcams throughout,

so no tree would fall

without being seen and heard.

1243

Will Rogers was an ear of corn

before he became a comedian.

That’s how he got the habit of saying

“Ah, shucks.”

1244

Favorite game-song of Casper the Friendly Ghost

and his friends —

“A tisket, a tasket, a green and yellow casket.”

1245

Medicine for acute hubris —

A-mocks-asilin

1246

As soon as she learned there was a town named “Perpetuity,”

she moved there,

so she could live in perpetuity.

1247

Some of his business dealings were dubious

so he decided not to move to Australia

where he would be subject to trial by kangaroo courts.

1248

The rain is gentle here

because the condo committee would never allow a downpoor.

1249

The maid never made it on Wall Street.

She was great at folding clothes

and also at folding businesses.

1250

She wore earrings all the tie because if she took them off

she wouldn’t be able to find them.

Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

List of Richard’s other stories, essays, poems, and jokes.

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Richard Seltzer

His recent books include Echoes from the Attic, Grandad Jokes, Lizard of Oz, Shakespeare'sTwin Sister, To Gether Tales. and Parallel Lives, seltzerbooks.com