Grandad Jokes, Batch #68

Richard Seltzer
2 min readJun 7, 2022
Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes

1251

He needed to lose weight

so he could become a

lighthouse keeper.

1252

We are free!

We are still slaves, but we are deemed useless.

So you can have us for free.

1253

Before the days of cable TV,

the antennas on televisions in Tel Aviv

were rabbi ears.

1254

He would never get over the loss of his wife,

Every day he took his mourning pill.

1255

The Sioux didn’t trust the US Government.

They had lots of reservations

1256

An interior designer went into medicine

as a second career

and became a roomatologist.

1257

He was always prompt.

He hated to wait

and he never wanted to be overwait.

1258

The barbie doll was unhappy with her figure,

so she had plastic surgery.

1259

Charlotte, NC should become a hub for Internet business,

called “Charlotte’s Web.”

1260

An expert in contagious diseases

is a microbe manager.

1261

The cannibal saved the ears of his victims

hoping that some day he would be able

to play music by ear.

1262

She went to Arthur Murray lessons as a teenager.

Now she goes to Arthur Ritus.

1263

A veterinarian who specializes in pigs

is an oinkologist.

1264

He was supposed to paint the wall,

but, instead, he stood in front of it and talked.

He was following instructions.

He was told to “say it, not spray it.”

1265

The Honda was delighted to move to the city

where there were parks just for cars.

1266

What ancient Greek was known as a great jokester?

Eu-Kid.

1267

What did the insurance salesman say?

“All assure who’s going assure.”

1268

A quipple is someone handicapped

by a Twitter addiction.

1269

She liked dancing at military funerals —

taps dancing.

1270

She bought a rubber clock

because she wanted to have flexible hours.

1271

He refused to drive a car

because he hated auto correct.

1272

The recidivist was a man of conviction.

1273

He sprinkled salt on all his jokes

so they wouldn’t be tasteless.

1274

The biography of a computer geek is biotech.

1275

The cannibal ate eskimo pi —

3.14 eskimos.

Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

List of Richard’s other stories, essays, poems, and jokes.

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Richard Seltzer

His recent books include Echoes from the Attic, Grandad Jokes, Lizard of Oz, Shakespeare'sTwin Sister, To Gether Tales. and Parallel Lives, seltzerbooks.com