Grandad Jokes, Batch #68
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
1251
He needed to lose weight
so he could become a
lighthouse keeper.
1252
We are free!
We are still slaves, but we are deemed useless.
So you can have us for free.
1253
Before the days of cable TV,
the antennas on televisions in Tel Aviv
were rabbi ears.
1254
He would never get over the loss of his wife,
Every day he took his mourning pill.
1255
The Sioux didn’t trust the US Government.
They had lots of reservations
1256
An interior designer went into medicine
as a second career
and became a roomatologist.
1257
He was always prompt.
He hated to wait
and he never wanted to be overwait.
1258
The barbie doll was unhappy with her figure,
so she had plastic surgery.
1259
Charlotte, NC should become a hub for Internet business,
called “Charlotte’s Web.”
1260
An expert in contagious diseases
is a microbe manager.
1261
The cannibal saved the ears of his victims
hoping that some day he would be able
to play music by ear.
1262
She went to Arthur Murray lessons as a teenager.
Now she goes to Arthur Ritus.
1263
A veterinarian who specializes in pigs
is an oinkologist.
1264
He was supposed to paint the wall,
but, instead, he stood in front of it and talked.
He was following instructions.
He was told to “say it, not spray it.”
1265
The Honda was delighted to move to the city
where there were parks just for cars.
1266
What ancient Greek was known as a great jokester?
Eu-Kid.
1267
What did the insurance salesman say?
“All assure who’s going assure.”
1268
A quipple is someone handicapped
by a Twitter addiction.
1269
She liked dancing at military funerals —
taps dancing.
1270
She bought a rubber clock
because she wanted to have flexible hours.
1271
He refused to drive a car
because he hated auto correct.
1272
The recidivist was a man of conviction.
1273
He sprinkled salt on all his jokes
so they wouldn’t be tasteless.
1274
The biography of a computer geek is biotech.
1275
The cannibal ate eskimo pi —
3.14 eskimos.
