Grandad Jokes, Batch #69
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
1276
The computer operator on the Titanic
was good at synching.
1277
Clothing was very important to the envelope.
She got addressed often.
1278
He slept soundly.
He talked all night.
1279
In the midst of a record-breaking drought,
on the runway in Madrid, before takeoff,
the passengers were suddenly drenched.
That came as no surprise.
They all knew that
the rain in Spain comes mainly in the plane.
1280
First radio contact from embryo to mother —
“Birth to Houston,
Prepare for landing.”
1281
The kitchen appliance always remembered her mother’s words of wisdom,
“Never a borrower or a blender be.”
1282
He was taken aback
when a ghost joined him on a park bench.
He wasn’t familiar.
1283
The boatman put all his money in river banks.
But after the flood,
he couldn’t find any of the deposits.
1284
That was when Eve learned
the snaked truth.
1285
He always recited poems while he hiked.
That was his walking shtik.
1286
After learning his DNA ancestry,
he switched to a Neanderthal low browser.
1287
Losing his hearing triggered his curiosity.
He had always wondered about life after deaf.
1288
Name for Zoom about recycling —
Trash Talk.
1289
It was a perfect match.
They were both watchers.
She watched carbs,
and he watched the grass grow.
1290
The multi-time surrogate
was procreative.
1291
Their guppy was very egotistical.
So they put her on the bookcase
where she could be shelf fish.
1292
At the beach this summer, beware of Chaws,
an aquatic computer,
with 10 terror bytes capacity.
1293
“Bait and switch,” he complained to the Consumer Protection Agency.
“This isn’t the woman I married.
And I’m not the man she married.
Who stole our real bodies?”
1294
The U-boat captain went mad,
trapped in his sub-conscious.
1295
To get her dreamhouse
instead of a realtor
she went to an imaginetor.
1296
She loved music
so she stayed sing-le.
1297
What annoys me about Santa is his
jollier-than-thou attitude.
1298
Why did she marry the toupee?
Because he was the hair apparent.
1299
When the fortune teller opened a spa, her slogan was
“The medium is the masseuse.”
1300
She put spotlights in every corner of her house,
so whenever and wherever she ate,
it would be light.
