Grandad Jokes, Batch #71
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes.
1326
She loved foreign movies,
so she wore her lipstick
subtitley.
1327
New social media site for post-menopausal women —
Hystagram
1128
When Wonder Woman had a call of nature,
she went to the power room.
1129
The mouse got the acting job,
but it was a non-squeaking part.
1130
The baseball star owed much to
the teachings of his coach,
but he struck out on his own.
1131
The notorious rabbi
put the sin in sinagogue.
1132
On hot days
he played the cillo.
1133
They pledged their allegiance to the king
by touching him.
That was feelty.
1134
Dedicated to his garden,
he lived well and died well.
His was a life well leaved.
1135
What should you call a suicidal alien spaceship?
Cosmic Kazie
1136
The prophet spoke every day at 4:10.
He was great at telling four tens.
1137
The panhandler was surly.
He disagreed with everyone.
Tell him anything and he’d say,
“I beg to differ.”
1138
The house only had one bedroom and one bath,
but it had five doors.
It was simply adoorable.
1139
The politician needed support.
So he bought orthopedic shoes.
1140
The hotel mogul
was inn valuable.
1141
He finally realized that his computer was possessed.
The spellchecker randomly changed letters to “D”.
It was D-monized.
1142
New York police arrested the British lawyer for soliciting.
It was an open and shut case.
His business card said he was a solicitor.
1143
When he got his paper back,
the teacher had scribbled on it
not only in red, but also in green.
She explained, “It was truly remarkable.”
1144
For decades he had been lazy and
grossly out of shape.
He had no self-discipline.
Now that would change,
as rigor mortis set in.
1145
He was great at texting.
So he went into the clothing business,
and became the text style king.
1146
When he lost all his hair, young,
he knew he had to go to law school.
He would be known as the Bald Legal.
1147
She couldn’t decide between her two suitors.
So she gave them both beau ties.
1148
When he went out into the garden he heard “Ah-choo! Ah-choo!”
But there was nobody around.
Eventually, he figured out that it was the bees’ sneeze.
1149
He met her in a coal tunnel 2000 feet under ground.
Unfortunately, she was a miner.
1150
“Get your veggie burgers here!
Flesh vegetables!”
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