Grandad Jokes, Batch #71

Richard Seltzer
2 min readJun 10, 2022
Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes.

1326

She loved foreign movies,

so she wore her lipstick

subtitley.

1327

New social media site for post-menopausal women —

Hystagram

1128

When Wonder Woman had a call of nature,

she went to the power room.

1129

The mouse got the acting job,

but it was a non-squeaking part.

1130

The baseball star owed much to

the teachings of his coach,

but he struck out on his own.

1131

The notorious rabbi

put the sin in sinagogue.

1132

On hot days

he played the cillo.

1133

They pledged their allegiance to the king

by touching him.

That was feelty.

1134

Dedicated to his garden,

he lived well and died well.

His was a life well leaved.

1135

What should you call a suicidal alien spaceship?

Cosmic Kazie

1136

The prophet spoke every day at 4:10.

He was great at telling four tens.

1137

The panhandler was surly.

He disagreed with everyone.

Tell him anything and he’d say,

“I beg to differ.”

1138

The house only had one bedroom and one bath,

but it had five doors.

It was simply adoorable.

1139

The politician needed support.

So he bought orthopedic shoes.

1140

The hotel mogul

was inn valuable.

1141

He finally realized that his computer was possessed.

The spellchecker randomly changed letters to “D”.

It was D-monized.

1142

New York police arrested the British lawyer for soliciting.

It was an open and shut case.

His business card said he was a solicitor.

1143

When he got his paper back,

the teacher had scribbled on it

not only in red, but also in green.

She explained, “It was truly remarkable.”

1144

For decades he had been lazy and

grossly out of shape.

He had no self-discipline.

Now that would change,

as rigor mortis set in.

1145

He was great at texting.

So he went into the clothing business,

and became the text style king.

1146

When he lost all his hair, young,

he knew he had to go to law school.

He would be known as the Bald Legal.

1147

She couldn’t decide between her two suitors.

So she gave them both beau ties.

1148

When he went out into the garden he heard “Ah-choo! Ah-choo!”

But there was nobody around.

Eventually, he figured out that it was the bees’ sneeze.

1149

He met her in a coal tunnel 2000 feet under ground.

Unfortunately, she was a miner.

1150

“Get your veggie burgers here!

Flesh vegetables!”

Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

List of Richard’s other stories, essays, poems, and jokes.

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Richard Seltzer

His recent books include Echoes from the Attic, Grandad Jokes, Lizard of Oz, Shakespeare'sTwin Sister, To Gether Tales. and Parallel Lives, seltzerbooks.com