Grandad Jokes, Batch #72
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes.
1351
The Universe used vast quantities of beauty products.
She depended on cosmics.
1352
Laundry detergent for optimists.
Wishy Washy.
1353
FaceBook cheer:
Two, Four, Six, Eight.
What shall we disseminate?
1354
What do warlocks say when they swear?
“Son of a witch!”
1355
The icy sidewalk was so sleepery,
that she fell asleep.
1356
She went sleepwalking in her sleepers.
1357
He entered the ProseAm Tournament.
He was great at prose
but his golf game was shaky.
1358
Homer was in the retell bard business.
1359
Be saved!
Deposit yourself in a savings account.
1360
I don’t write about my real experiences.
It’s too difficult to make the trips to distant galaxies sound plausible.
1361
As she got older she got heart of hearing.
1362
In order to reverse the trend
of women realizing that they don’t need men,
he designed new bottle tops and jar tops
that were annoyingly difficult to open.
1363
He refused to eat gluten-free food
because women like men with glutes.
1364
His favorite frozen snack
was Gluten Freeze.
1365
People who work on deadline
tend to be good housekeepers.
Cleaning and straightening
are great for procrastination.
1366
He was addicted to Twitter.
So he put two packs of
low calorie tweetener in every cup of coffee.
1367
He studied the canon of western literature
for decades
but he still didn’t know how to fire it.
1368
He must be brilliant.
His every word smarts.
(What a pain.)
1369
“You look fine,” said the traffic cop.
“That will be $50.”
1370
He called his reminder list
do drops.
1371
She was never on time for anything.
So she only wore latex.
He could relate to that.
1372
Self-dense is important.
You need to be able to protect yourself
from your self.
1373
“How can I have a light lunch
on a dark day?”
“Add lighter fluid.”
1374
He was awful
in the awfice.
But she was totally in awe of him.
1375
When he was ten he was hit in the knee with a rock.
Ever after, he suffered from kid knee stones.
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