Grandad Jokes, Batch #73
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
1376
The author felt it was unfair
that writers had to pay an ink-come tax.
1377
She was dangerously allergic to endings,
so she wrote the epilogue with an epipen.
1378
The police were relentlessly tracking down the gravy.
So he went on the lamb.
1379
The mine tasted much better
when it was salted.
1380
The mother and daughter went to Club Med
but neither was in tune with the ambiance.
The daughter went to meditate.
And the mother went to take her meds.
1381
When he was tired and grouchy
he doubted everyone,
even Thomas.
1382
He bought his bedding in Mecca —
the sheets of Araby.
1383
To cope with stress
she wore her favorite duress.
1384
Cinderella was ambivalent about going to the ball.
That’s why she said, “Partying is such sweet sorrow…”
1385
She admired the roast beef.
First-class mind.
He had true gravytas.
1386
And on the seventh day,
God watched football…
1387
Was Dylan Thomas Jewish?
Is that why he wrote
“Do not go gentile into that dark night.
1388
The bacteriologist was hard to work for.
He was a microbe manager.
1389
He was a Hollywood professional,
so he wasn’t subtle,
but he was subtitle.
1390
He became a notary public
because he hoped to be notorious.
1391
When something isn’t clear,
you need to exclaim it.
1392
Mnemonic —
Every two weeks they stopped at a fort.
That’s why they called it a fort night.
1393
The sign at the nudist camp read
“Clothed for the winter.”
1394
Aristotle’s advice to writers —
Begin in media.
Market before you write.
1395
Fall.
Time for the annual quest.
Searching for the leaf of faith.
1396
All novelists are underwater adventurers,
going from one sub mission to another.
1397
She named her son “Shine”
so she could say
“You are my son, Shine.”
1398
He was 1/16th Polish,
just a tad Pole.
But one day he hoped to become a frog.
1399
He hesitated.
His boss wanted him to finish the project
in the mean time.
So should he set his watch to Greenwich Mean Time?
Or did his boss mean something else?
It was hard to tell, because his boss had a mean streak.
He could be so demeaning.
1400
Try the 2-minute drill.
You’ll be amazed at how much you can accomplish
while the popcorn is microwaving.
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