Grandad Jokes, Batch #74
From the Never Grow Up section of Grandad Jokes.
1426
She didn’t watch what she ate
because the more she thought about food
the more she ended up eating.
Besides, rather than diet
she preferred to livet.
1427
The code of honor should never be top secret.
1429
Have you noticed that
the sun is setting earlier every day?
Computer simulation shows
that in two months
the sun will set before it rises.
Get set for that.
(Did that get a rise out of you?)
1430
When she wanted to get in touch
with her dead husband,
she went to Starbucks
and ordered a medium.
1431
Often indigestion is a psychostomatic illness.
1432
In the middle of his set,
the folk singer ran to the restroom three times.
It was a repeed performance.
1433
What does 1:10, 2:10, 3:10
make you think of?
Ten past.
The Ten Past by Shakespeare.
1434
The musician was of sound mind,
but he had trouble with his vision.
He was a touch crazy
but he had good taste.
And all’s well that smells well.
That only makes sense.
1435
What wine is famous for its pottery?
Shardonnay.
1436
When he learned that his 10 AM didn’t show
because he “went to Purchase, New York,”
Musk was impressed rather than annoyed.
He said, “ I didn’t know it was for sale.”
1437
The skunk became a great editor.
He depended on instink.
1438
The janitor moonlighted as a biologist.
He was studying crumb zones.
1439
She got high on dogs.
That was her caninebis.
1440
That was the pot calling the kettle
cannabis.
1441
He didn’t want pot.
He just wanted to marry Juana.
1442
She gave up poetry because
she wanted to live a life without allusions.
1443
Her was the building scooperintendent.
He scooped up after everyone’s pets.
1444
Head in hands, she was obviously upset.
She would have looked a lot better if it was
on her shoulders.
1445
He built highways and bridges,
but he was a curmudgeon,
an uncivil engineer.
1446
The author missed the old-style telephones.
They helped her with dial-log.
1447
The poodle enjoyed having an owner.
It was a leash-urely life.
1448
Suggested title for a book about
digging latrines on the battlefield —
War and Pees.
1449
A hint of literary influence
is an inkling.
1450
Which flower has a urological problem?
pee-onies
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