Grandad Jokes, Batch #76
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes.
1476
When Cinderella’s pumpkin
turned into a coach,
that was a life-changing moment.
She had always wanted and needed
a life coach.
1477
Makes me think that a global disaster is an
Earth Awake.
1478
For dance therapy
go to a dancesist.
1479
Their people were tread upon for generations.
It was their treadition.
1480
She took her three year old to the restaurant with her
because she liked whine with her dinner.
1481
He worked for A Few Hours.
But she was a terrible boss
so he quit.
1482
She loved housecleaning so much
that she hired someone
to mess up her house once a week.
1483
It hurt the pride of the bride
that the groom didn’t groom.
1484
Wolves celebrate Fangsgiving.
1485
The guillotine was a design masterpiece.
it was to die for.
1486
On Thanksgiving
the inventor served
turnkey dinner.
1487
Anxiety can be very limiting.
Mine prevents me from flying.
No matter how fast I flap my arms
I can’t get off the ground.
1488
Oxygen was awful at parties.
He always made a gas of himself.
1489
Plot summary for Moby Dick:
He was her first mate.
She hoped he’d be her only.
She told him, “Call me, Ishmael.”
But he didn’t.
She would never sea him again.
1490
When the company went bankrupt,
he hired a maid to fold it neatly.
1491
Definition of snoring —
sleeping soundly.
1492
When offered “Coffee or tea?”
Heisenberg answered, “Tea, please.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course not. Make that uncertain tea.”
1493
He was nervous about his upcoming finals.
He had hoped to live longer.
1494
Fear of farms
is agriphobia.
1495
Too much responsibility,
like the whole world depended on her.
“Oh, God!” she exclaimed.
He answered, “You called?”
That’s when Eve decided to leave Eden.
1496
He preferred to live on islands
or at sea.
He never wanted to be incontinent.
1497
The author had a flood of great ideas in the middle of the night. He woke up his/ wife and shared them with her, ecstatic at the breakthrough. But in the morning, all was forgotten. His wife smiled, “Cheer up. We live in Russia. Everything is recorded.”
1498
She hated the Dictionary.
He was demeaning.
1499
She served him vegetables
when she wanted to convince him to do something.
“Pretty peas?”
1500
Back in the 70s
she felt she was getting old.
Now in the 20s
she feels young again.
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