Grandad Jokes, Batch #81
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes.
1601
Caution.
Don’t use this medication if
you are dead or intend to become dead.
If you aren’t sure if you are dead,
please consult your doctor.
1602
The author exercised on a stationery bike.
That was the write thing to do.
1603
I’m looking forward to Daylight Savings Time.
It’s daylightful.
1604
When potty-training Shakespeare,
his mother encouraged him by saying,
“Will do do-do.”
1605
The best kind of pity
is serendipity.
1606
The would-be astronaut was spatially challenged.
1607
Until he became a father
Telemachus’ life was a journey to fatherland.
Then he realized that finding his father
was finding himself.
1608
On March 13,
the rooster crowed,
“Clock-a-doodle-do-it,
or you’ll be late for work tomorrow.”
1609
And on the seventh day,
He turned the clocks forward
and said,
“It will be good,
when you get used to it.”
1610
He loved fatty foods.
So when he died,
they creamated him.
1611
He was muted so many times on Zoom
that he mutated.
1612
The oyster became a lawyer
specializing in setting up shell corporations.
1613
Only one can come in first.
But sixty seconds are born every minute.
1614
The ophthalmologist was a revisionist.
1615
The NY kid dreamed of
managing an apartment building when he grew up.
He was a super man.
1616
Her plots were a stretch.
She was inclined toward premise-cuity.
1617
The doctor told him to take two tablets.
But he couldn’t swallow more than one iPad.
1618
He went to a school for children who were more auditory than visionary.
So instead of lessons, he had listens.
1619
“Waiter! I’d like stupid water please.”
“What?” “Dumb Perignan.”
1620
Barbie was brilliant.
Nothing was beyond her Ken.
1621
The boxer studied
acupunchure.
1622
When he got really old
he could no longer play the guitar,
but he never gave up picking his nose.
1623
Everyone in the pain clinic got tickets
to the musical Company,
because misery loves Company.
1624
She hated him,
so she gave him a gift that was to-die-for,
and hoped that he would.
1625
After sending out query messages for decades,
the author finally got an agent,
a travel agent.
