Grandad Jokes, Batch #83

Richard Seltzer
2 min readJun 25, 2022
Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes.

1651

Someone who always uses chopsticks

is a chopaholic.

1652

The rock group was floundering

until they bought a box of bandaids.

1653

What is the sound of one thunder clapping.

1654

Murder by steam

is saunicide.

1655

The suit was in serious need of therapy.

He had many hangups.

1656

The American tourist was blown away

by the beauty of Australia.

“The sunset is amazing!” she exclaimed

at 6 AM.

1657

When I grow up

I want to be a candy barista.

1658

A barbershop romance —

boy meets curl.

1659

He bought bacon

at the bakery.

1660

Someone who borrows pens is a penhandler.

1661

As a kid he was a wild game hunter.

But as he matured,

he preferred chess.

1662

I’m always thinking of you.

Every day I put at the top of my to-do list —

“Empty trash.”

1663

He carried a dime with him everywhere,

in case he might need to turn.

1664

An alcoholic automaton

is a robottle.

1665

What host arrived as a guest

and killed a host of suitors

before he was guessed?

1666

Title for a medical murder mystery —

The Clot Thickens

1667

The fear of cloth is

clothstrophobia.

1668

Good brief!

Where’s my underwear?

1669

The captain made sure his ship

went to the bathroom before leaving the dock.

He didn’t want it to have to take a quick leak.

1670

The author took a course in Ethics

to learn how to build character.

1671

Who is the most famous pladypus?

Plad the Impaler.

1672

Which publisher has its headquarters

in Antarctica?

Penguin Books

1673

The Olympic runner cheated at cards

because he knew that cheaters run fast.

1674

What Internet company played a important role in the American Revolution?List of Richard’s other stories, essays, poems, and jokes.

Yankee Google.

1675

Coining a phrase —

Black noise

is noise you can’t coverup or ignore.

Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

List of Richard’s other stories, essays, poems, and jokes.

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Richard Seltzer

His recent books include Echoes from the Attic, Grandad Jokes, Lizard of Oz, Shakespeare'sTwin Sister, To Gether Tales. and Parallel Lives, seltzerbooks.com