Grandad Jokes, Batch #84
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes.
1676
How do cakes avoid muscle pain?
They use icing.
1677
Who invented the I-lily-pad?
Kermit the Frog
1678
Given a chance to time-travel
she would choose to go ahead two years
so she could watch season three of Bridgerton.
1679
Every day,
she carefully groomed her eyebrows
with her web browser.
1680
The libertarian librarian enjoyed libations.
1681
Suggested name for Nepalese superhero —
Catman Do.
1682
Why do they call it “do-do”
and not “don’t-don’t.”
1683
A Ford Mustang wrote
the first true autobiography.
1684
The inquisitive child
was a pain in the ask.
1685
The elderly traveler asked the cruise director —
What continent are we on now?
Or are we incontinent?
1686
When she realized she was
obsessively buying earrings that she would never wear,
she solved the problem
by cutting off her ears.
1687
In his will, he donated his corpse to science.
It was a dead giveaway.
1688
The queen hen proclaimed,
“The buck-bucking stops here!”
1689
I want to be
a wallaby
in a wombat’s garden
in the shade
1690
They named their daughter Better
and encouraged her to socialize
so everyone would know better.
1691
Unless you don’t need to travel,
you aren’t ready to travel.
1692
Low-calorie toothpicks
are slim pickins.
1693
The ignorant man
used goo and glue
to build igloos.
1694
Definition of “sod dummy” -
a gardener who can’t grow grass.
1695
Invention suggestion:
memory erasure pill
instead of cyanide
for spies who are captured.
1696
The podiatrist became an editor
specializing in footnotes.
1697
He died of an overdose of coffee
so she called him her latte husband.
1698
The oldest man in Australia
is known as the Geezer of Oz.
1699
His jokes weren’t great
but they were sure to grate on her.
1700
The murder was clearly premeditated.
The perpetrator was a yogi
wo meditated every day.
