Grandad Jokes, Batch #86
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes.
1726
The Personnel Department needed
the services of a headhunter,
and this one had decades of experience.
They hesitated
because he came from New Guinea.
1727
As you so,
so shall you what.
1728
Life was a bore.
She needed change.
So she went to her bank
and got quarters.
1729
The gold fragment,
representing the Star of Bethlehem
in the stained-glass window,
kept bragging, trying to impress her.
But she didn’t want anything to do with him.
He was just a pane in the glass.
1730
Advertising delivery software
included in an operating system
without the customer being able to opt out,
should be called
Windows Dressing.
1731
The tempting business proposition
gave him an earning sensation.
1732
The comedian stopped the would-be mugger
and put him in a joke-hold.
1733
During the playoffs,
he sat so long,
just watching the screen,
that he got a game leg.
1734
Fear of Santa Claus s known as claustrophobia.
1735
Why do whales jog?
To burn blubber.
1736
It was his first novel.
So he was delighted when he got
a letter from his draft board,
telling him he should start writing the second draft.
1737
Elon Musk’s demands for the Twitter sale —
“No ifs, ands, or bots.”
1738
Is a little bot a bottle?
1739
Revenge is sweet.
Diabetics beware.
1740
If and when you are stumped,
ask your main character
to write the synopsis for you.
1741
She wanted to be a rock star,
but her genie misunderstood
and she became a rockette.
1742
He wondered why he was hired so quickly,
despite his lack of experience.
And on his first day,
they gave him a set of business cards
and threw a party to welcome him.
Then he read the business card —
“Clarke Kent, building super.”
1743
A hundred years ago,
how did plains Indians place orders for peyote?
Smoke signals.
1744
His trousers were fearless.
They never frayed.
1745
He was need deep
in trouble.
1746
My favorite fruit song is
Hey, mango,
mango Italiano.
1747
This is the winter of our
disco tents.
1748
What do you call a sales pitch
for a Russian military pistol?
A glockenspiel.
1749
When preparing the final draft of her dissertation,
she hired a cobbler
to format the footnotes.
1750
He benefitted greatly from his story of cardiology
when he went to Vegas
and played black jack.
