Grandad Jokes, Batch #88

Richard Seltzer
2 min readJun 30, 2022
Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes.

1776

The sweet-tempered cow

was always kine.

1777

Jack was a has-bean,

before he got arrested for stalking.

1778

James Joyce was ahead of his time.

Finnegan was woke.

1779

Snow White should have had sense enough

not to eat an apple.

Computers taste terrible.

1780

The author liked his steak done

meme.

1781

The stealth nuclear submarine

was popularly known as

Sub Rosa.

1782

Inflation is caused by

bicycle pumps.

1783

He never had a drop of alcohol.

He always drank it by the pint.

1784

A small dog should be called a K8.

A very small dog K7.

A large dog K10.

A large cat Kit10.

1785

The aborigine went went hunting for reindeer.

He had the Christmas spear-it.

1786

The comedian went on a diet,

and it nearly wrecked his career.

He lost twenty puns.

1787

Afraid of underwater attacks,

they used a team of mental patients

to detect the enemy with their

sub conscious.

1788

The recycled newsprint needed a therapist.

He was repressed and depressed.

he found it impossible to express himself.

He had a pressing need.

1789

The precipitation

was hail and hearty.

1790

The shadowy character got a light sentence.

1791

Friar Tuck played trombone

in Robin Hood’s Merry Band,

When he retired, he became a cosmetic surgeon

and changed his name to

Nip and Tuck.

1792

He engraved words on the sides of submarines.

It was a sub scription service.

1793

The physicist Richard Feynman was a terrific drummer.

Great sense of algorhythm.

1794

Tolkien’s son played hockey.

He was known as The Lord of the Rink.

1795

The farmer had no faith in doctors.

They couldn’t even cure ham.

1796

She became a waitress

because she knew that

good things come

to those that wait

1797

The chicken crossed the road

because he thought the road was a vampire.

1798

Satan tempted the king,

“Now you have the throne,

but I could give you much more than that.”

So, the king sold his soul,

and, as promised,

he was overthrone.

1799

He brought a mirror to the DMV

because it’s important to

watch your wait.

1800

She bought him 4.0 reading glasses

and told him,

“May the fours be with you.”

Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

List of Richard’s other stories, essays, poems, and jokes.

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Richard Seltzer

His recent books include Echoes from the Attic, Grandad Jokes, Lizard of Oz, Shakespeare'sTwin Sister, To Gether Tales. and Parallel Lives, seltzerbooks.com