Grandad Jokes, Batch #91
From the section Nonsensical Science, Philosophy, History, and Religion of the book Grandad Jokes.
501
In God’s language
(not English),
both verbs and word order are important.
In the beginning was the Verb,
and the Verb was God.
502
Remember,
no matter what,
you are not a loan.
You are a gift.
503
Astronomers are experts
at light reading.
504
First came written language
engraved on cave walls.
Then Ug pointed at a letter and made sound,
pointed at another and made another sound …
And so spoken language was invented.
505
The golden rule —
gold rules.
506
The scientist took art lessons
so he could learn to draw
better conclusions.
507
The elements of astrology are easy to understand.
Two aquarius atoms plus one pisces make water.
508
Every Sunday
he went to church
with religious regularity
and sat through
the interminable sermon.
He was a bored again Christian.
509
Central concept of
existentialist ancient Greek philosopher —
athenticity.
510
The judge asked,”Do you or do you know understand
that you broke the law?”
The scientist replied,
“In quantum physics,Laws are probabilities
and suggestions.”
511
He was afraid of getting a dirty mind,
so he joined Scientology,
so he would get
brain washed, regularly.
512
Philosophical quandary —
free will or
the great chaingang of being.
513
In the beginning,
God created math.
514
Death is an asymptote.
515
Suggested Buddhist slogan —
What you see isn’t what you get.
516
He wanted to tell her the meaning of the universe,
but she hated it when he talked with his mouth full.
And by the time he swallowed, he had forgotten.
517
They visited the ghost of Moses
for Pastover.
518
God and Satan bet on
who would eat the apple first.
It was a toss up
Adams or Evens.
519
Shakespeare’s reaction to a
museum of modern art —
“Wherefore art thou?”
520
Appreciation of digital art
is pixelation.
521
Her dissertation was on the reception of Homer in China.
That was the start of her career as a receptionist.
522
She was a far-cited scholar.
She cited herself all the time.
523
Suggested name for a book
of traditional Hebrew songs —
Elohimnal.
524
In Hebrew
the name of the one true God,
Elohim,
is plural.
525
The Minutemen
came
saw
concord
and lexington
