Grandad Jokes, Batch #93
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
1826
An item on a to-do list is a toodle.
And encouragement to get to work on those items
is “Toodle do.”
1827
When his landlord asked him to write a check,
the author wrote “Kafka.”
1828
He was a pushover.
Too soft, too sensitive.
He needed to toughen up.
So he practiced callousthenics.
1829
Good name for a music album:
Finally Here.
“Her latest album is Finally Here.”
1830
The speller weighed her chances.
Was it worth a shot or not?
Should she go to DC for the championship?
To bee or not to bee?
1831
The bandmaster just needed
fife minutes.
1832
What did Odysseus sing when he arrived in Ithaca in the guise of a stranger?
Penny Lane
1833
He was good, but he was just good.
So she divorced him and married a bettor.
1834
Hoover tried to sell Coolidge running shoes,
but Coolidge replied,
“I do not shoes to run.
1835
Her style of sculpture
is known as bras-relief.
It captures the moment on a hot day
when a woman takes off her brassiere.
1836
Fortunately, covid never got to Ithaca.
But Eumaeus caught swine flu.
1837
Mnemonic for inventory management schemes —
First in first out is like vomit.
Last in first out is like excrement.
1838
The doctor recommended beef broth,
but the grocery store was out of it.
So he went to a brothel.
1839
She was the daughter of the artist
who painted The Scream.
She was a true muchkin.
1840
The 29–29 Yale-Harvard game of 1968
won the Tony award
for best score.
1841
What’s the proper way to address
the Loch Ness Monster?
“Your High Ness.”
1842
Little known fact —
President George Washington
was named after a bridge in New York.
1843
For a comedian,
life is like a football game.
If you can’t make progress,
drop back and pun.
1844
Why was Samuel Clemens late for work?
He missed the morning twain.
1845
Why did the Scarecrow win the election?
It was a straw vote.
1846
What did the real estate broker
say to the dog who wanted to buy a house?
“Get a loan, little doggie.”
1847
The editor specialized
in tweaking tweets.
1848
She stopped wearing pigtails
for fear of catching swine flu.
1849
Can you recite the names of the Kings of England?
Henry the Eighth
Mack the Kninth
Alladin the Tent
Legolas the Elven.
1850
What do you call the cloakroom at a nunnery?
the habitat
