Grandad Jokes, Batch #96
From the Speaking in Tongues section of the book Grandad Jokes
51
Extraterrestrials are big fans of German singing.
That’s why they always say,
“Take me to your lieder.”
52
A couple of Spanish letters
met by accent
and fell in love
tilde the end of time.
53
The three levels of English study —
English as second language
English as minute language
English as hour language.
54
English lesson:
Comparative and superlative adjectives —
fast
faster
fastest
should
shoulder
shouldest
55
English lesson:
First conjugation —
Let’s do it.
First declension —
Not now.
56
The Irish National Band
was banned in Boston
because it was
Gay Lick.
57
Ancient Greeks
who colonized Spain
were among the first
to recognize the divinity of Christ,
saying,
with their newly acquired accent —
“Hey, Zeus.”
58
No sechs for you
sept if you okt right
and stop neuning me
by zehning things
that no elf ever should.
59
English conjugation:
lead, lid, led
hide, hid, head
sleigh, slid, sled
both, bid, bed
want, won’t, wed
60
Always take chocolate with you
when you travel far,
for a bon bon voyage.
61
How is a picture like a robot’s foot?
It’s a faux toe
62
Title of book about the wisdom of acupuncture —
Poke Lore
The Japanese translation of that book —
Pokemon
63
The Secret of Nyms —
sin-o-nyms
homo-nyms
aunt-o-nyms
uncle-nyms
and nym wits
64
How do Spaniards toast?
I beer ya.
65
What do you call a Japanese mobster?
hit-achi
66
The policeman was disturbed to see on the menu
“cop au vin.”
67
In the Middle Ages, the seats at the University of Paris were notorious for being uncomfortable.
That’s how the school came to be known as
The Sore Bun.
68
When the choir was caught shoplifting,
the judge sent them to Sing Sing.
69
What did Czar Alexander II do to publishing in Russia?
He freed the serifs.
No longer would words be shackled in Times Roman.
Rather they would be free in Helvetica and Arial.
70
German math —
What number is the least moist?
drei
the scariest?
vier
the most fun?
sechs
the most sound of mind?
zehn
the most magical?
elf
71
A 40-year-old
who feels like a teenager
is quaranteened.
72
Good night,
or as the German stripper said,
“Gute naked.”
73
Germans are very sincere.
They don’t just say “danke.”
they say, “Feelen danke.”
74
What should you call
the best instrument for making colored pictures?
crayon de la crayon
75
They advertised their new business as
a b&d b&b
and targeted German tourists —
“Fear plus sex is sane.”
