Grandfather Jokes, Batch #62
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes.
1101
A cannibal drove up to the take-out window at McDonald’s
and ordered two diners to go.
1102
Horses, by nature, are liars.
Ask, “Are you a horse?”
And he/she will invariably answer, “Nay.”
1103
Having failed to get published under his own name
he hoped that after death
he’d be able to get a job as a ghost writer.
1104
Taco Bell should give out free watches
that go “Tic Tac, Tic, Tac…”
1105
Suggested Buddhist mantra:
To unlearn.
To unknow.
To unno.
To yes.
To yesterday.
To morrow.
1106
The actress had extraordinary talent.
She could play women or men or animals or things.
She could even play the piano.
1107
We’re all this-placed persons.
1108
An ad for ear plugs
would be a plug for plugs.
1109
True sexism is when
socialism goes to bed with capitalism.
1110
Some people enjoy the go.
They skip to their loo like Winnie the Pooh.
They will go down in the anals of history
as potty training champions
and even in old age enjoy their pot.
1111
The zoologist was puzzled.
And then he realized it was a slippery sloth.
1112
“Is this reel?”
asked the fish.
1113
Santa this and Santa that all over California.
Does Santa spend more time there than in any other state?
1114
Tonto had a side-kick experience.
1115
“Wear are you?”
asked the model.
1116
Name for new brand of disposable baby towelettes —
Stepford Wipes.
1117
Febrewery is beer month.
1118
She lost in the first round of the spelling bee
and was expelled.
1119
High school is where you go
to learn how to get high.
1120
It is important to find the tombs of the pharaohs
because only in crypts can you read encrypted text.
1121
The Wind God warned the clouds,
“As you snow, so shall you reap.”
1122
The Cinderella story originated in ancient Babylonia.
She didn’t want to go to a ball.
Rather, she wanted the god Baal.
1123
She loved baked goods.
So she studied seismology
hoping to discover
the world’s greatest earth cake.
1124
The Boston Strangler
was great at making chokes.
1125
The window dreamt of having a pane-free life.
