Should You Continue A relationship Where You Have different life goals and values?

You don’t necessarily need to share the same goals with your partner… but you definitely need to share the same values.

I suggest you start by taking a look at the 6 core values Tony Robbins is often sharing.

As you can see, values can be very broad and it’s quite difficult to negotiate on them. If you have someone whose values revolve around security, no matter what you say and do, not having a steady daily job is going to create extreme tension between you and your partner.

Let’s take a look at a few examples

The difference between goals and values

• I value life more than work, my wife also. That’s how we stay happy even when money is tight.
• I value experiences more than security, my wife also (mostly lol). That’s because both of us know that sooner than we think, memories will be our greatest treasures.
• I value interesting work over hard work, my wife also. We are both entrepreneurs, we both understand the need to express ourselves through our daily activities.
• Family first, family always is our credo!

However…

• My goal is to become millionnaire, my wife couldn’t care less.
• My goal is to give the best education to my kids, my wife knows they’re in good hands and will carve their success on their own.
• My goal was to have 3 kids, my wife wanted children.

The right topics ?

Have you already discussed about:

• Money?
• Work?
• Monogamy? (Sex in general)
• Children?
• His/Her family duties?
• Chores?
• Cooking/Cleaning?

The reality is the vast majority of couples spend months together before discussing things that could have been noticed within the first month or so.

• A girl that never pays for anything… are you sure you’re OK with that?
• He doesn’t work and plays video games all day… are you sure you’re OK with that?
• S/he is quite promiscuous… are you sure you’re OK with that?
• She never wants to hold your nephew… are you sure you’re OK with that?
• He never cooks or cleans the table/dishes… are you sure you’re OK with that?

How accommodating are you?

There’s a saying in French:

Il faut parfois mettre de l’eau dans son vin…

Sometimes you need to put water in your wine…

That basically means that sometimes, it’s more important to focus on the war rather than the battles. I’m not comparing a couple to a battlefield (or maybe I am), I am just saying that living with another human being require to make compromises, sometimes even sacrifices. There’s simply no way around that.

If you are someone who is terrible at being accommodating, I really suggest you choose someone that hates conflicts. I personally think that a vast majority of separations could be avoided just by choosing more deliberately one’s partner in the first place.