J

The purpose of this post is not to degrade you. This post is of appreciation, and a thank you. I never got the chance to show you what my letters entailed. I do not think I will ever get that chance, given our current situation. However, I can at least express the emotion those letters held within this post. Hopefully, this is the catalyst that will help mend the wounds we both have.

It’s been a couple of days since you told me that you would much rather us be friends instead of lovers. Frankly, I’m doing a lot better than expected. I was expecting myself to be sobbing for weeks until I came to the self-realization that crying was not worth it anymore.

This instance wasn’t the first time. In fact, I’ve been through this before. I should have been expecting this from the get-go, but I did not. Much like the last two times, I was blind-sided. I personally thought that we were well off, and that we were on track. However, I must digress. Perhaps my comfort in our relationship lead me to believe that we were as solid as rock. Perhaps this same comfort blinded me from the truth, that slowly you came to the realization that I wasn’t worth it anymore.

Instead of being furious about your decision, I’ve decided to write this post. Perhaps this might help me come to terms with your departure from my life.

Thank you J.

Without you, I wouldn’t have become the person I am today.

Without you, I wouldn’t have been able to let go of my insecurities.

Without you, I wouldn’t have been able to be able to come out of my social shell and be able to make friends.

Without these last four months, I would not have been able to let go of the attachments I had with you. I wouldn’t consider them attachments, perhaps feelings has a better usage within this context.

Thank you.

These last couple of months were the necessary components I needed to move on.

You weren’t wrong for doing what you had to do. I don’t blame you. Perhaps I am angry that I poured more love into something I should have known was not permanent to begin with. Perhaps I feel that your decision wasn’t your own, instead it was influenced by those around you yet your own feelings were put on the back-burner. At this moment, I’ll never get the answer I desire.

And you know what? I’m okay with that.

Perhaps someday, we’ll be mature enough to have a discussion on this topic.

Perhaps someday, you’ll be relevant in my life again.

Perhaps someday, you’ll fall in love with me again.

Perhaps someday, I’ll tell you I feel the same way.

Remember what I said? About not coming back into my life if your opinions changed?

I lied.

I would let you come back in once more, and we can start this process all over again.

That’s for our futures to decide.

For right now, this is my farewell. Well, more like a “see you later”.

I’ll do my thing, and you’ll do you.

Perhaps one day or perhaps in a different lifetime, we’ll end up being the couple we dreamed about when we were younger.

For now, this is my thank you.

-T