The Public’s Need To Know

If State Secrets Are Really “Secret”, Is A Presidential Lie A Terrible Thing?

Ok, so I get it.

As a journalist, we are taught that our only obligation is to “the truth.”

And that is all fine and dandy, if you don’t believe in minding your own business.

Some things are better left unsaid. If it isn’t ok to say it on the street corner, it probably isn’t a good thing to blabber it to anyone who will listen. Especially if its not really your business.

But yes, in the age of Wendy Williams, where everyone’s private business belongs to everyone else, even running a country and protecting its citizens off limits.

It’s kind of like taking a bath in the middle of the street, somehow the grey hairs on your genitals are supposed to become public information. Like people really need to know how many grey hairs you have down there.

Cause it’s really important.

There is only one problem with all of this. Top secret missions cannot succeed if everyone knows about it.

I mean its not all that difficult to understand. It’s kind of like knowing exactly when and where your surprise birthday party will be taking place or worse, the police telling the drug dealers “we are coming to get you at 6:15am sharp, be ready MFers!”

It’s like, come on now…

So, journalist Seymour Hersh says that President Obama “lied” about the Navy Seal raid that killed Osama Bin Laden. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t.

But it’s not my business. I am not in the government, I am not a Navy Seal, I’m not even a civilian strategic adviser.

I am just, like Mr. Hersh, someone with an opinion. And we all know opinions are like assholes… we all have one.

But when things are supposed to be secret, persons in the know are not supposed to reveal. You know running a country is kind of important stuff. You’re not supposed to just blab to everyone exactly what you are doing or what you did.

It’s kind of always been that way. No surprise here.

What is surprising is how everyday layman citizens, really somehow think that they need to know exactly what happened that night in Pakistan.

Do we really need to know? Is it going to fill my heart with love today? Is it going to make me a better parent? Am I somehow going to be so much smarter because I now know every last detail of “who knew what before he or she knew?”

I mean like damn. Would your life be better because you finally know the truth about which hand Ronald Reagan wiped his ass with?

“He lied! Nancy did it for him!!”

Please.

This is all useless information. It serves no purpose, except for those who are freakin nosy.

Useless, like “Who really killed JFK?” or “Are there really UFO’s?”

Stuff that drunks talk about on the corner. Things you think about when you are high.

Who gives a shit?

Nobody really should care if the president didn’t just announce every tactic and detail to every soccer mom with gas, every guy in a dirty t-shirt belching on a bar stool or every kid on a skateboard who didn’t wear a helmet.

It’s just state secrets. It’s just war tactics. It’s just you know, important stuff that if made public information, could be used by people who want to blow up buildings, parades and marathons.

Or better yet, let every plotter know exactly how we are going to get them next time around.

Then they can prepare. It is after all only fair. You know,the enemy deserves a fair shot too, right? Cause fairness works in real war. Yes, it’s just like playing cards.

Now, I know what some brilliant philosophers will say: “we need to know of this because…”

And they will give you long intellectual answers about why they are just a nosy asshole, that never learned how to mind their own business.

Just like the gossiping girl in the lunchroom who grows up to keep on talking about what other people do.

What a life.

So yes, you all need to know. You need to know it all.

Just as much as you need to know how and when your Mom and Dad had sex when you were a kid. Every moan. Every position. Every “oh daddy.”

Yep.

Because it’s important that you have that information, to tell your friends parents and then have them spread it around the whole neighborhood with a megaphone, playing circus music and handing out pictures.

Because everyone really wants to hear how Dad’s sexy grey hairs made your Mom get so hot.

Hmmm. Maybe they should have covered those grey hairs up. Or closed the door. Becuase you know, some things are better kept… private.