When an Empath Goes Supernova
Last year, I came upon a website that severely triggered me. It’s run by a narcissistic sociopath who gives advice to empaths from the viewpoint of the enemy. For $50, you can email your story and he will analyze whether or not you are in a relationship with a narcissist and tell you how to get out.
My immediate reaction?
Why the fuck should someone who’s hurt people like me ever make a living off this!
I turned away angrily, yet yesterday some synchronicity led me back to his website. I opened my mind and my heart to his message. This time, I dove deep, reading one blog post after another and learning more about his background and journey to manage his diagnosis through therapy. I realized this is his atonement, the path his soul chose to transmute pain into healing for people like us.
An article about the empathic supernova unexpectedly released a huge burden within my heart. He describes the journey empaths take in a relationship with a narc. The manipulative love bombing we fall for in the beginning, the grief and anger about the abuse combined with our addictive desire to go back for more.
Maybe this time it will be different, maybe they will actually love me.
But then he described something I’d buried down in my psyche, a pocket of deep shame I wasn’t ready to face and heal until now.
When an empath goes through this destructive cycle, desperately clinging love mixed with self-doubt and confusion, we eventually reach our limit.
Then we go supernova.
Because we know this other person at a soul level, we know what drives them, their deep well of self-loathing, their core wounds. In order to escape, a supernova empath shuts down their heart and becomes cold and calculating.
We use anything and everything they’ve ever shared with us to beat them down. To wound, to cut, to defeat the narc at all costs.
Our essence and quite often our very lives are at stake in this moment.
We become just like them in order to escape. Nasty, bitter, controlling.
Afterwards, we’re horrified by what we allowed ourselves to become.
A tiny part of us, if we’re being real, was also intrigued by that feeling. Watching them tuck their tail between their legs and retreat can be very satisfying when we’ve been on the receiving end for so long.
Momentarily, we experienced the seduction of power that comes from controlling and manipulating another — yet the act of assuming the qualities of a narc leaves us hollow and full of shame.
We never thought we were capable of becoming the enemy. But we did.
Over time, our inner warrior eases back, yet never quite goes away. Continues to patrol our inner tower, constantly on guard for the next threat. Wondering with each new person we meet, how can I uncover their true intentions?
Many of us become hypervigilant and struggle with trust issues.
This inner warrior leaks out into other relationships, with our co-workers, our family, our friends, in romance. This warrior wounds when it’s not necessary, when the new person is not the narc. Please be kind to yourself, your warrior learned how to enact a quick, fatal attack, then disappear into the shadows.
Please hear me, you had to go supernova.
You absolutely had to do what was necessary to get out and stay out.
This is an invitation to lay down your sword.
An empath’s greatest fear is permanently becoming a narcissist. This is an invitation to release guilt and shame for temporarily becoming that which hurt you. What happened does not and should not define the rest of your life.
You deserve to have healthy and reciprocal relationships.
You are a loving, empathic soul who came here to fulfill a unique purpose.
When you finally decide to lay down your sword, retire that inner warrior, you will attract compassionate, authentic, trustworthy people into your life.
Say it with me:
‘I am not and never will be the narcissist who hurt me. I love the part of my self that cared enough to protect me so I could get away. I honor the role my warrior played in my past, I ask him/her to retire now. I am safe, I am loved, I am made pure once again.’
Defining what a healthy, loving and reciprocal relationship means for you is one of the topics covered in my new online course, Perceptive Souls Thriving. I’m inviting 30 empaths and highly sensitive people to beta-test this first round. In gratitude for your feedforward to help me improve, you receive a substantially reduced course fee.
If you’re ready to lay down your sword and thrive, register at PerceptiveSouls.com