2018: Hot Take (Hends Pity) Fantasy League Week 1 Recap

Holy shit boys. Pity league is back and that means the weekly recap is back. Divisions are gone so no more complaining about that nonsense. Cuck Gang (Aka Andy Ahern’s new squad) impressed in their debut posting 180.5 fucking points. Hopefully they used them all up week 1 on Perkisystem who had a team low of 73. Hens is my Daddy was second highest in scoring with 156. Hoodie Melo matched half of the wins he had last season with his victory over Boner Boils. Two teams, Senvisky for President and Ailiyah’s Dream Team, notched Monday Night victories to conclude a wonderful opening weekend of fantasy. Lets’ take a deeper look:


Cuck Gang (1–0) {180.5–73.6} The Perkisystem (0–1)

Not much to say about this one other than a good ol’ fashioned ass whooping. Andy had seven players with 15 points or more while Trey had one. That’s simply just not going to get it done. DJ and Dion Lewis look like they will be getting plenty of work. Thomas, Evans and Hilton are as good of WR combo out there, even with Doug Baldwin injuring his MCL. Jared Cook looked great in week 1 but 22.5 is a little much to rely on. Andy’s team will certainly be a tough foe any week in 2018. Perkisystem could never had predicted Big Ben would turn the ball over six times against that vaunted Browns defense but nevertheless, here we are. Freeman’s injury proneness has reared its ugly head again. Trey will need CMac, Corey Davis, Kelce and Drake to play better if he’s going to get back on track.


Bad Boy (0–1) {112.6–156.9} Hens is my Daddy (1–0)

Logan Hollman turned out to be the bad boy in this matchup, “pounding” ( a 40 point win is a pounding Hollman, lol) Trent’s squad in week 1. Aaron Rodgers came back to life, Saquon had a nice run, James Conner played unreal (the opposite of his haircut) added with solid outing from Hopkins, Broncos D and James White. 156 points is always a nice win. Trent, the 2017 rookie of the year, on the other hand only had Gurley heading into Monday night. He played great but the 70 point deficit was just too much to overcome. Gurley and Brown will be carrying the “Bad Boys” this season and 112.6 wins you a lot of games in fantasy, so no reason to panic.


EDC Loyalists (0–1) {123.4–141.9} Senvisky for President (1–0)

No Le’Veon. No problem for the Senvisky campaign. While you east coast boys were asleep, I was biting my nails on during the second game of the Monday night doubleheader. The EDC Loyalists went into the Raiders-Rams game with a 12–13 point lead while I had Rams and Greg the Leg. Victory wasn’t secured until the 4th quarter, but after Marcus Peters pick six I basically jumped into bed like this:

I would like to give the biggest shoutout to Tyreek Hill, who set the tone for my squad with 38.8 points. Ajayi and Thompson each scored over 20 points. Lynch had a touchdown and Mark Ingram is suspended (Saints only had 40 rushing yards this past week). Could shape up to be a very talented backfield. Watson was very rusty and Graham did not look like a factor in Green Bay’s offense as potential holes. The Loyalist leaned on the trio of Gronk, Adams and Golden Tate. Greg Olson is done for a few weeks so Lally will be in the market for a tight end. As I said above with the “Bad Boys”, 123 points is not a bad week and is no time to panic.


Boner Boils (0–1) {104–127.8} Hoodie Melo (1–0)

Would you look at that? Hoodie Melo starting the year off with a victory. For those folks at home without your record books, Sam’s team went 2–11 last year so he has already accumulated half of his wins from last season. Could the momentum continue? With the core of Tom Brady, Mixon, Kamara, Howard, Landy and Thielen you can do just that. Sam put together a talented squad with bonafide number 1’s at basically all key positions. This could have been a bigger win had the Saints not completely shit the bed. Dillon. Bud. You are now 4–8 in your last 12 dating back to last year. Is that a trend that will continue? Kareem Hunt’s five points and Amari Cooper forgetting how to play football certainly won’t help in that quest. It’s back to the drawing board in the Week 2 for Boner Boiis.


Larry the Goldfitz (0–1) {99–106.9} Aaliyah’s Dream Team (1–0)

Last but not least, we have the lowest scoring matchup of the day. ADT took this one home in the Rams-Raiders game on a 3Q touchdown to Cooper Kupp. Was a back and forth nail biter up to that point due to Detroit letting the Jets walk all over their defense. Brees, Kupp and Zeke carried the squad to vixtory this week. Fournette’s health really in the linchpin for this team. He sacrificed WR depth for that extra stud back so he needs to be on the field to yield that return. Henry is a big question mark but also had a huge run get called back and Walker’s ankle is broken in half. Going to need a new TE. As for the Goldfitz, you look at the box score and go… they didn’t really play that bad but nobody went off either. Newton, Gordon, Allen and Diggs were all solid. Going to need more out of Alex Collins (what are the odds he doesn’t score in a 48–3 route?) and Evan Engram. Plenty of time to get back on track for the Goldfitz.

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