Hot Take (Hends Pity) Fantasy League Week 3Recap

Week 3 is over gentlemen and the standings have been updated. Hoodie Melo has a pulse after not being ranked last week. Boss vs the World changed his name to Larry the Goldfitz and ended up with a league high 158 points to down our reigning champion. Canadian Labor Day remains the lone winless team at 0–3 while rookie Pitch a Trent continues to dominate the league at 3–0. Let’s take a deeper look:

Matchup #1:

Boss vs. The World (0–2) 158.7–119.9 Boner Boils (2–1)

Boss Against the Goldfish got his first dub of the season with four players totaling 20 points of more in his starting lineup and three more on his bench. Yes, friends. Boss had seven guys with 20 points or more on his roster. We all know that will never happen again but nevertheless he has a deep roster with plenty of options each week. Dalvin Cook will be an every week start from here on out in addition to Diggs. He won’t be able to count on 27 from Fitz every week either. A great overall week for Boss but lets see the consistency.

Our reigning champion received his first loss this week but that was not due to a lack of effort. 119 points is never a bad week and Kareem Hunt is the greatest fantasy player of all time through three weeks but this shows Boner Boils is beatable. The bench is very inconsistent but the core of Mariota, Hunt, and Green will keep him in the majority of match ups until Luck and David Johnson return.

Matchup #2:

Canadian Labor Day (0–3) 85.1–127.4 Cuck Gang (2–1)

Butts cucked Hollman for his third loss in row to open the 2017 fantasy football season. Cuck Gang moves to 2–1 in the Booze division after 10 points or more from sevens guys on his roster. Aaron Rodgers, Michael Thomas and Gronk lead the team in addition to 19 points from his kicker. Butts also had five bench players have ten points to show some great depth moving forward.

Canadian Labor Day entered the season with the gift of Ezekial Elliott paired with Le’Veon and that has surprisingly not paid dividends. Bell is clearly working himself into playing shape and looked better in week 3 but not superstar level. The Cowboys offensive line hasn’t dominated like it has in years past bottling up some of Zeke’s production. We all know that won’t be the problem for this team the whole season. CLD will need more than 13 points from combined from Eric Ebron, DeAndre Hopkins and Kelvin Benjamin if he expects to get back in the win column.

Matchup #3:

Aailyah’s Dream Team (2–1) 91. 7— 121.3 Pitch a Trent (2–1)

Gurley, Cooks, and Fournette carried Pitch a Trent to victory in week 3 and he remains the lone undefeated team in the league. Gurley and Fournette have been two of the best backs of 2017 so far which have paid off in wins. When you can rely on about 40 points from those backs each week a core of Travis Kelce, Matt Ryan and Brandin Cooks will typically fill in the gaps. If he ever plays Chris Thompson in the flex and benches Lamar Miller we are all fucked.

Hendrix moves to 2–1 after having quite the odd week. Cousins, Freeman, AB, and D Jax combined for 86.5 of his 91.7 points. If ADT can get more than five points out of Jay Ajayi, Pryor, Witten, Ravens D and the kicker his team will be in good shape going forward. Problem is Pryor does not look like he’s adapted well in the Skins offense and none of your bench position players had more than 2.5 points. Freeman, AB, and Ajayi will keep you in the playoff race so no need to panic.

Matchup #4:

Hoodie Melo (1–2) 121.4–70.6 EDC Loyalists (1–2)

Hoodie Melo’s trade over the weekend to OKC gave him the motivation to drop a 50 piece on the EDC Loyalists. The trio of wide receivers that were discussed in the preview all showed up in a big way getting 20 points or more from Jordy, Odell, and T.Y. Luckily the Colts played the shitty Browns so Frank Gore got a cheap touchdown while Hilton danced all over their secondary. That won’t happen in Seattle this week. Hoodie Melo has shown a pulse but more production from the RB position will be required if he expects to get more wins.

The EDC Loyalists have broken 80 points only one time this year on the way to a league low of 250 total points this season. Adam Thielen is a top five WR in addition to Julio and Mike Evans. Drew Brees is an elite QB. Why is this team not scoring points? Isaiah Crowll, Rob Kelly, Danny Woodhead (Somehow still on his roster after tearing ACL in Week 1) and AP are as bad as it gets when it comes to RB’s. Buck Allen had a great week then a dud. Kamara is probably the best back on this team. Until the RB position is addressed this team will stay near the bottom of the league.

Matchup #5:

Senvisky For President (2–1) 86.3–76.9 The PerkiSystem (1–2)

Another odd low scoring game that we have seen multiple times this season. The Oakland Raiders offense single handily torpedoed this matchup by limiting Lynch and Crabtree for me while Perkisystem got nothing from Carr and Cooper. Nevertheless a win is a win and DeMarco Murray ran for 115 yards on the Seahawks on my bench. That will look much better in my starting lineup going forward. Tevin Coleman is sneaky consistent and Sammy Watkins could emerge into a possible flex option. Oh, and Tom Brady is the greatest fucking QB of all time.

As addressed above, Carr and Cooper not doing anything in this lineup will not result in much success for Perkisystem. Jordan Howard showed why he was coveted running back in the preseason racking up 28 points. The Bears clearly only have Howard and Cohen to give the ball to so he will see plenty of work this season. I’ll be honest, McCaffrey scared TF out of me this whole game. He showed what he could be in the Panthers offense racking up 100 yards receiving. If he can get in the end zone he can be a special player. Perkisystem, plagued by injury, will need more from his WR’s (Maybe $44 worth of Corey Davis?) and TE’s to get back in the win column.


1. Pitch a Trent (2–1)

Hendrix Hot Take

After a rough weekend he found a bright spot with the number 1 ranking. As long as Gurley and fournette keep playing like this he will be tough to beat. I still think his team is fools gold but his team is undefeated and that’s all that matters. Lamar miller and his WR2 spot scares me. He’s the only undefeated team in the league so congrats 10 inch. Even though you lost your phone and slept outside you you can have this as a small W to your weekend debacle.

Dildo’s Diary

They sit mightily at 3–0 but that is not the story that is making headlines. Ownership is a mess and took possibly the L of the month over the weekend. Mark my words. Vegas has this team as favorite but THEY WILL NOT WIN THE TITLE. Owners of this character will not last and it is a matter of time before this boozy owners influences the locker room and turns his team into a powder puff porno on the sidelines.

2. Boner Boils (2–1)

Hendrix Hot Take

I’m shocked Kareem Hunt is still torching defenses. He’s only on pace for 2100+ rushing yards and 32 touchdowns. Idk when he will hit a rookie wall or teams will stop him but as long as he keeps popping off this team will be number 2 or number 1. He has a good bench and still a stud in AJ. A lot a lot a lot to love about this team.

Dildo’s Diary

Boner Bois took a small backtrack last week after putting up a good amount of points again @hends. Our goal is not the regular season title by the true grand prize at the end. Moves will be made before the trade deadline. In the meantime, we will ride and cum cum cum for Hunt as he takes us to the promise land.

3. Cuck Gang (2–1)

Hendrix Hot Take

When will McCoy come back to RB1 form? He gave up some key players for him and it hasn’t paid off yet. Thankfully for him mike Thomas had a favorable matchup and bounced back. Rodgers is Rodgers and gronk is still healthy. If McCoy ever returns back to his 2016 self and gronk stays healthy this team is scary good. But for now the 3 spot is just right.

Dildo’s Diary

This man is a mystery. How he hasn’t ever won L of the month is the biggest conspiracy of all time. He comes and goes in group chats as he pleases and is always on his time. The wanna be outdoorsmen is always caught up in some sort of circle of love, im surprised he has time for fantasy.

4. Aaliyah’s Dream Team (2–1)

Hendrix Hot Take

The 2 clear workhorses AB and freeman seem to be the backbone of this team. The problem is the inconsistency between the other players being cousins jay and Pryor. Pryor looking like a huge bust but with willie Snead coming back and Jackson playing good so far he will have some flexibility at his WR spot. Jay should bounce back after a bad week. A lot to like about this team but still some question marks.

Dildo’s Diary

I started the year high on this team, but more I look at it im not a huge fan. Where are the points coming from? AB and Freeman are consistent but I don’t trust anyone else. I predict this team to start slipping. Cousins, Pryor, Desean, and even Ajayi in a way are not good enough to be a top contender. This will probably trigger hends since he has become the easiest man to trigger since the big move to the big D. Happy bday though. Wish I was around to get grinded on and celebrate with you.

5. Larry the Gold Fitz (1–2)

Hendrix Hot Take

I was down on this team early but numbers don’t lie. The kid puts up the points and that’s all that matters. He has the best rb core in the league and his 2 best WRs ride his bench each week. He has a nice lil starting lineup and just an absolute stacked bench. What will hurt this kid is his unwillingness to trade. I’ve received NUMEROUS of side text about how Boss won’t budge for anything unless it’s clearly in his favor. I.e Hyde for obj straight up. This is a good team with a stubborn owner.

Dildo’s Diary

This man won a game, but I see right through it. I will never support this roster as is. (probably will never change since he refuses to trade). I already went on a rant how I hate team names that use a player so Boss I hate this name. I think a trade such as what was on the table from Lally would change my opinion. If they improve roster with trade this is playoff team, but if not they wont make it. Having said that, I think he has enough big dick players to make a playoff berth.

6. Senvisky for President (2–1)

Hendrix Hot Take

Yes I know his record is 2–1 and Boss is 1–2. But the point total for and against is eye popping. In case you don’t know. Points for boss 377 Senvisky 288. Points against Boss 359 Senvisky 212. He has had the easiest schedule by far and his star players have been inconsistent besides Brady. I think this team still has high upside but this isn’t a team you love after week 3.

Dildo’s Diary

Anti-Trump, Anti-Goodell, Anti-Senior year pep ralley. This man has always gone against the grain and is proud of it. Seems to have worked out because I am a fan of this roster. TE is a downer, but love the QB and one of the Titans will be the guy. Playoff Spot here, but his paragraph long arguments can be chilled with.

7. Hoodie Melo (1–2)

Hendrix Hot Take

Well look who crawled back from the fucking dead! Does this team have life now? Obj finally healthy. Hilton might have his qb back in 2 weeks. The new bengals OC loving mixon. A lot to like about this kids team after last week. This team will go only as far as his WRs will take him though. Horrendous bench and average rb play at best. I like what I saw last week though so he gets the 6th spot

Dildo’s Diary

Congrats on the sex! This man won his first game and one step closer to not having Mocker on the wall. I still don’t love his love/hate costume he puts on where he acts like he doesn’t care about this sport of fantasy only to surround himself with it all the time. This team still isn’t a playoff team in my eyes but will come damn close.

8. The PerkiSystem (1–2)

Hendrix Hot Take

Another injury and another L for shifty James. Nothing excites me about his team I’ve said it before. Granted this will now be his 4th player injured and Jordan Howards shoulder could fall of at any point, I think this team is heading down hill fast. No elite players and a mediocre starting line up I see this team hovering around this spot all season

Dildo’s Diary

The lunch-tray himself is in bad shape once again this season. Can he look to the injury excuse for the 2nd straight year? I always regarded him as top tier in fantasy knowledge, but if he doesn’t turn this around then I will no longer have him in the top half of owners. Corey Davis still funny on a side note.

9. EDC Loyalists (1–2)

Hendrix Hot Take

If it wasn’t for a fluke win week 1 this kid wouldn’t even be ranked for me. Lowest point total in the league and his rb play is something I wouldn’t wish on my biggest rival. Aka Boss. Until he gets a rb I see this kid floating around 8–10 with a good chance at the mocker fat head.

Dildo’s Diary

When looking at his team, I see Julio, Mike, and Brees and then a bunch of hot garbage. Vegas has this team as a frontrunner to come in last and I would like to say that reports are coming out that ownership will boycott the Mocker fathead. If this is true, I too will take a knee until the commissioner punishes this franchise. P.S. leggings continues to be the toughest look.

10. Canadian Labor Day (0–3)

Hendrix Hot Take

I don’t even know what to say but an 0–3 start is not what anyone saw coming. He obviously has the 2 great rbs and we thought his WRs had high upside but an early injury and another slow start for kelvin is hurting him. Boss could put the nail in the coffin this week. An 0–4 start will keep Hollman up at night. Must win for this kid

Dildo’s Diary

Coincidence that the Trump mini-me is 0–3 after the Trump tweets over the weekend? This team has all the talent and resources in the world, but when you are matched against coastal elitists its just not a fair fight. I’ve said all along he was too high on Jimmy G and Kelvin. But like Trump, he refused to listen. Look for him to infuse CTE into his players to jumpstart his team.

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