Thank you, thank you for writing this! My first child now 3.5 years old and I am now pregnant with my second. I always knew that something was a little off in the months after my daughters birth but I could never quite put my finger on it. I knew (I mean I really knew) that there was no way that it could be PPD as I didn’t feel suicidal and I definitely didn’t want to harm my gorgeous little girl, so it couldn’t possibly be PPD. Having read your description of what you are going through it feels like you have read a page from my heart, with all the pain and fear and inadequacies that I felt. Up until the point that I read your blog, I honestly had no idea that it was likely that I had been suffering from PPD (I just thought I was being a bit crap to be honest) and just tried my best to get on with it, focussing on my daughter and all the lovely moments I had with her. This time I will be more aware and I will be on the lookout for these feelings and will hopefully have the strength to seek help if I need it this time round.
I know it may not help but you have genuinely opened my eyes and I will treat myself with a lot more kindness this time round. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart!