How to figure out who you are
Answer: It’s probably not what you think (and much easier)
For most of my twenties, I felt this immense pressure to figure out who I was. Career-wise. Relationship-wise. Values-wise.
What was the essence of me? (Just typing that feels ego-centric — and also like something out of Zoolander, but I think it’s part of humanity. Something we all try to deny. Yet, it’s probably what kept our ancestors alive, so thanks for making it so we could be born).
I thought that certain “big things” would help me figure it out: like quitting my job and traveling around the world for a year and half. It was an adventure — complete with lots of cross-country road trips, books and books — and a lot of alone time.
Several years out, I realize: that was just the beginning. And just a piece of something that’s constantly evolving: me.
You Don’t Need to “Find Yourself”
We don’t need to “find ourselves” — because we are always changing.
In his (truly life-changing) book, Man’s Search for Meaning — Victor Frankel says something like:
The beauty of being human is that each moment, we have the ability to be someone different.
You are not constrained by your past actions.
You are not who you were yesterday.
You are not who you were a second ago.
The next second, you have the opportunity to be someone new.
Four months ago — before quarantine — I was hiking with my family. And, I was EXHAUSTED after waking up in the middle of the night (several times) to feed the 1-month old baby. I was feeling: tired, sort of sorry for myself — and showing it.
In that moment, I realized: I could use the next second to do something different — to be someone different.
So, I took off my shoes and rolled up my pants. And danced in a little rivulet by the ocean with my two-year old. He splashed and laughed and giggled — and each time, we got to the “other side” of the tiny stream, we “danced it out.” Seeing him in his diaper and tie-dyed shirt and sunhat flailing around with so much joy was a highlight of my life.
Summary: Three Things
- You don’t need to find yourself.
- We are always changing (and that’s a good thing).
- And each moment, you have the opportunity to act differently, do something different — be someone new.
Go live your day! (And maybe take off your shoes and throw a little “quarantine dance party” in your kitchen).
Who am I? The Banksy of writing. My other Medium account has +100k views. But, I wanted a place to express the real. The unprofessional. The unfiltered. (Also, go check out his cruise ship at the Venice Bienalle — so cheeky. And timely.)
