Recently, I came across a post that went something like this: The question “Who wants to become a millionaire?” takes on a different unexpected tone when directed at billionaires. The takeaway — It’s always a matter of perspective, a question of context. But let’s take a step back.
My vision for these writings on Medium is to create a collection of ideas, experiences, and inspirations for my own personal reflection but for my children — a guide for what I would call “The way of the good Human”. After hitting my head a few times against the keyboard on what to write about for my second post, I realized that I don’t want to overcomplicate it. Embracing my fears, I sat down and reflected on some of the most profound insights I’ve gained in recent years. I have identified 5 major topics for myself. These will be the potential next 5 posts. I don’t want to spoil them all at once — but today I start with the topic “being empathetic”.
Understand differing perspectives.
Have you seen one of the most used illustrations of differing perspectives? One person sees a number on the ground as a 6, while another views it as a 9 from a different angle. Same shape, different interpretation. This example highlights the subjectivity of individual experiences. Here’s the catch: What really disturbs me about this example is the possibility that there was an intention behind the sign on the ground. I mean, there was likely an architect or construction company that had a specific intention behind it. Perhaps it really is a 6 and one person is correct. Or maybe it was meant to be an 8, but the budget simply ran out. We may never know. However, it doesn’t really matter — each person’s unique experiences and life paths have shaped their interpretation.
My own life significantly improved when I acknowledged in my early twenties that I may not have understood everything in life, may not have the best answers, and above all — may not perceive everything. Shocking, I know. I was even more surprised than you are now. But why was it important? I’m anything but a shy person. I love talking to people: strangers on the street, individuals sitting next to me on the subway, or at the playground. Yes, that’s me. You may love me, you may hate me, but I will talk to you. I enjoy exchanging ideas and getting to know people. We might discuss a professional topic or any kind of personal matter. Sometimes even the weather. But if you have ever engaged in a conversation, you will know — discussions often lead to opinions clashes. While healthy debate is beneficial, it’s all too common for conversations to devolve into a battle of right versus wrong. But here’s the point: Imagine the ease and harmony we could foster in our personal and professional relationships if we took a step back to understand the underlying motivations behind differing opinions. I can’t emphasize enough the beauty of the small but powerful question: “What remains unsaid”?
Returning to my 20s: I’d like to share with you two brief examples of times when I try to change my perspective in my daily life. As a father of two, I often interact with other parents. Our conversations mainly revolve around our children — from lack of sleep and games at home to daycare illnesses. However, one of the topics that is often brought up is also parenting: Should you tell the children to finish everything on their plate or leave it up to them to decide how much to eat? Can they climb alone on a playground, or should I be more careful? You can imagine — there are very strong opinions here. Especially with children, if someone questions your approach or expresses a different opinion, saying “well…, we do it differently” is often interpreted as a direct declaration of war. In these situations, I try to consider the other person’s perspective: Maybe they don’t intend to criticize me? Perhaps they simply had a “bad” experience? Maybe they are not (completely) wrong, and I should reconsider my approach?
The second example is something that frequently occurs with my friends, but I encounter almost daily at work. When someone talks to me about their problems and their solutions, I often immediately switch into evaluation mode. My inner “omniscient” self not only grasps the problem within 2 seconds but can also immediately assess why I have a better approach. However, even in those moments, I strive to analyze. Maybe there is something more to the evaluation of the problem and the solution. Perhaps I missed something. Let them speak for a few more seconds. Ultimately, it’s their life. As a good friend or coach at work, I should offer my perspective to broaden their thinking, rather than passing judgment on their solution.
Understanding that expressions of emotions, or strong opinions are often rooted in deeper, sometimes distant causes allowed me to approach conversations with more compassion. Instead of reacting impulsively, I began asking myself what led the other person to their perspective. It enabled me to respond thoughtfully and mindfully — sometimes even stepping away from the conversation. It required practice (and it is still ongoing), but it has shown results. I learned to communicate better and improve my relationships. Don’t get me wrong — I’m not a Buddhist monk. It’s more like before I go on the barricade and light torches, I ask myself what the person stands for and what lead them to their perspective. Then I can respond much more thoughtfully. This response may still include torches and the most exquisite selection of swearing words — but at least it would be a thoughtful, mindful reaction.
To summarize: By delving into the emotions, experiences, needs, and fears of others, we can navigate conversations with greater understanding. It’s a simple yet powerful shift in perspective that can make a significant difference in how we communicate and connect with others. So, next time you find yourself in a heated debate or conflicting conversation, try to pause, and reflect on the underlying motivations. The results may surprise you.
Be empathetic!
Now we come to the magic word of empathy — often used, but frequently misunderstood. Let me make a small loop on this concept. Our intuition often signals that there might be more to someone’s words than meets the eye (or in this case, maybe ears?), allowing us to assume what our counterpart is thinking or feeling. Nature equipped us with this amazing skill. I appreciate the American Psychological Association’s definition of empathy: “understanding a person from their frame of reference rather than one’s own, […]. Empathy does not, of itself, entail motivation to be of assistance.” To simplify: We all have the capacity to be aware, understand, recognize, and appreciate the feelings and thoughts of others. It does not necessarily require us to act or do something about it. And that brings me to one of my main messages — I’m not urging you to change your opinion just because you can “feel” the other person. It’s about realizing the power of shifting our perspective and understanding others, a skill that is immensely valuable yet often underutilized even though it only takes a split of a second.
But why should we strive to be more empathetic? Let me raise you two reasons from our personal lives. First, every individual seeks their own happiness. However, as social beings, we rely on one another not only for our happiness but also, quite simply, for survival. By attempting to see things from different perspectives, we open ourselves up to new ideas, experiences, and ways of thinking. This can lead to greater understanding, improved communication, stronger relationships, and a more inclusive and diverse environment.
Second, I want to refer to my initial vision of writing blogs on “The way of the good Human.” To illustrate, consider the following scenarios: you are cut off on the road by another car; the elderly gentleman in front of you takes an extra 15 minutes at the checkout; your partner irritates you for the fifth time with vacation planning; the hotline service representative appears unfriendly after you’ve waited in the queue for 25 minutes. There are days when such things pile up, making it challenging to react with compassion. Life gives you so many lemons that you could open not just a lemonade stand, but an entire factory. These moments are crucial. They present an opportunity for us to demonstrate our inner strength and show that we understand the struggles of others because we face challenges, too. We are all human. I believe that in our short time on this vast planet, we can begin to make life easier for each other. It’s often not a simple task. And I am not even suggesting a “one good deed a day” approach. I believe that simply practicing “empathy once a day” can make a significant difference. By doing so, we can collectively make the world a little kinder for all of us. Going back to the examples: the man in the car who cut you off earlier — perhaps his sibling is in the hospital. The elderly man at the checkout — maybe he has no one else and the cashier is his only social interaction. Your partner may be exhausted and seeking a brief escape from the routine with you. The hotline employee may have received stressful news earlier in the day.
And the notion of empathy is not limited to personal interactions; it is equally vital in professional settings. We all have the capacity to acknowledge that others hold thoughts, beliefs, and perspectives different from our own. We learn to consider alternative views and enhance our business relationships. It enables us to navigate conflicts, understand our customers’ needs, or engage effectively with stakeholders. You can anticipate the questions your audience may have during your next presentation or consider their primary needs and how to address them. Utilizing empathy can enhance our strategic approach to foster innovation and persuasion: We gain a competitive edge, fostering creativity, problem-solving, and uncovering new opportunities. It serves as a valuable tool for professional growth.
Your Takeaway.
Numerous studies demonstrate that empathy is a skill. It can be learned gradually through observation, practice, and placing oneself in environments with empathetic people. Small note to manage your expectations: being empathetic does not automatically result in changing people’s opinions. Opinions are deeply rooted in personal experiences and values. Addressing others in a more relatable manner may not change their beliefs. However, it is crucial to stop assuming that the other side is being wrong. They may simply hold different perspectives. By acknowledging this and trying to understand others’ viewpoints, we create a space for new ideas to flourish and cultivate an environment of mutual respect and understanding.
Conclusion.
Coming back to the 6s and 9s scenario from the beginning — the truth may lie somewhere in between. We will never know who is right or wrong. But before engaging in a heated discussion, consider asking yourself: What remains unsaid? Each of us has our perception, but we must learn to take on other perspectives. Through empathy, we become more adaptable, patient, and tolerant. We will improve our relationships with others. And the impact extends far beyond individual interactions; it has the power to create a ripple effect in our communities and society at large. By approaching conversations and relationships with empathy, we can foster a culture of compassion and tolerance. And this will lead to positive change, greater unity, and a more inclusive and harmonious world for all.
Sergey
P. S. Meta reflection on my writing experience
If you enjoy my writing, keep reading. Otherwise, the main article ends here. I want to share some thoughts on the feedback I received from people who read my article, as well as personal insights on how to improve my writing.
How to prepare? While it’s impossible to plan all potential articles in the future, it can be helpful to work with certain arcs, like TV series. I already have a rough vision for my blog. Based on this, I can build small topic arcs and see what evolves from there. This way, I can maintain the thread of my profile, but also deep dive into selected topics.
How to write? Based on feedback from my family and friends, I should clearly mark my opinion; I should be more concise at times and despite my beloved thought jumps, and I should focus on the main thread; a mix of short and long sentences was well received.
How to present on Medium? Titles, introductions, and conclusions should be written last. Don’t forget to add a picture! Titles and quotes should be used. Cross-references to other articles are useful. And if you think you’ve already cut everything, cut it at least 2 more times.
