What I learn from my personal experience with self-improvement.

SELF-IMAGE:

What is self-image?

Self image is your mental perception of your whole self. By your whole self, I mean everything — everything — about you: from your looks to your beliefs. It is a combination of major “self-”ish ideas like self-acceptance, self-esteem, and self-confidence. Obviously, the more positive your self-image, the more positive your overall being, and vice versa.

Why do you need a good self-image?

The answer to this runs deep. The building of a good self image, as I personally experienced it, begins with the fundamental right to exist caused by self-awareness, which goes hand-in-hand with self-acceptance. Self-image is crucial because it forms the very foundation upon which your whole identity and the reason for existence is built upon. Everything else grows out of the presence of a strong sense of self.

Self-awareness

You must become aware of your advantages and shortcomings. You must know what is good about you, what is not, what you suck at, what frustrates you, what sends your mind into chaos, what rescues you from there, what unwanted thoughts and obsessions you’ve internalized, what your true desires are, what your dark side is.

Self-acceptance

Understand that this is all a part of you, do not deny that. Denial only complicates the process, it creates more knots to untie. Accept within yourself all your happiness, pain, worries, prejudices, dislikes, quirks and habits as they are.

Remember that acceptance is not approval. Acceptance does not mean you approve of all your actions. Acceptance is when you understand who you’re at the present, realise what is right and what is wrong within you, and know what you need to work on. Acceptance means that you acknowledge the existence of something within you, despite it being positive or negative. It gives you a solid ground to stand upon and improve yourself.

> the right to exist

The will to accept your true self is ingrained in your right to exist. You have to realise that despite your imperfections, shortcomings and deviations, you have the inherent right to exist in this world. Nobody can take that away from you, nobody can talk you out of that.

These are some lines I wrote to myself at my lowest:.

“Because I am an individual born in this world, I have every f*cking right to have all that I deserve. I am bound to nobody, and no one has the right to take advantage of me or keep me under their control. And I realise that I’m bound only to that sole rule of not exploiting, destroying, or manipulating the individual existence of others. I’m the unique owner of my soul, and forever I will be.”

Know that you are born unique into this world and despite all your negative aspects you’re a human being at your core and to be imperfect is the trademark of being human. Don’t give way to perfectionism. Be realistic. It’s okay that you’re not always good, that you’re stupid at times, that you fail, that you hate things about yourself, that you have no control over your life, that you’re different from others and you are unable to fit in. Shit happens. It’s who you recognise yourself as within that matters. You have the right to choose who you want to be and become that way. Acceptance gives you the key to that.

Don’t sweat the things you cannot change. Let go of them. It’s the way it is, the way nature decided it to be. Make peace with it. How you look upon it matters. Be your true self. If you internalise others’ negativity, you’ll never get a life.

Positivity and Self-trust:

Another important aspect of self-improvement I came across is positivity (positive beliefs and positive self-talk).

There are two possibilities to everything you do in this world: either it happens or it does not. Both are equally correct. Again, it’s your mindset that decides the possibility that it should happen or not. When you believe in yourself, believe in things you do, and believe that it could become true, you’re increasing its chances of happening. It motivates you to take action.

Positivity is wired to your internal trust system. If you believe or not believe in the chances of something coming true or your capability to make it true, you’re dictating to your unconscious self what is possible for you or what is not. This acts as a hidden motivator. Your unconscious is the silent decision-maker. Convince your unconscious.

A poor self-trust system pushes you into inaction and low self-worth. You will lose your motivation to pursue goals and eventually fall prey to a stagnant, unhappy life.

Self-trust / self-confidence gives way to (self-love + self-esteem).

You begin to trust yourself and your abilities more, and take up higher goals in life. You’ll develop resistance to failure and learn to adapt. You’ll understand that just because you failed at something, it doesn’t decide your true worth. Your innate greatness exceeds your failures. You’ll become mature enough to understand and accept that the final results of your efforts are beyond your control.

When your self-esteem is strong, you’ll begin to love and respect yourself more. You’ll put your needs first. You won’t be a people pleaser anymore, you’ll stop seeking external validation, learn how and when to set boundaries and show other people how you want to be treated. In short, you’ll start valuing yourself more.

Self sabotage:

Self sabotage mechanisms take up various forms, sometimes they’re so well hidden inside you that you won’t realise it. Learn to remove these unwanted negativity from your mind.

Fear / Anxiety of failure

Fear is a very strong force that squashes our self-confidence. The major fear that persists in our minds is the fear of “what if things turn out bad?”

Procrastination / Laziness

Procrastination and Laziness present themselves by trying their best to convince you of all the lies they could conjure up. They might tell you that you’re not really made for something, you are faking it (“Imposter Syndrome”), or that you’re not qualified enough. Another form of procrastination / laziness is when you wait for the scenario to be perfect, for the situation to present itself so that you can begin working on something.

Comparison

Never ever belittle yourself or your goals. Quit comparing yourself with others.

Internalized negativity

Avoid internalising others’ opinions and judgements about you. Understand that you are not negative by default. We are born with a balanced sense of positivity and negativity. It is what we feed our unconscious with that reflects in our mindset and subsequent actions. Negativity is internalised from external influences. Others’ opinion of you is based on partial observations, but you’re the only one who understands you as a whole. Believe your own voice.

Here are some general rules to implement in your life:

  • Be your true self.
  • Actions beat words. Take action and not just talk about what you’re going to achieve. Put in effort.
  • Nobody is coming to save you; take responsibility for your own life and happiness and don’t wait for others to do something because that’ll never happen.
  • Trust yourself deeply. Don’t bullshit yourself and don’t let others do it to you. Kick out haters.
  • Be assertive and go get what you want; put your needs before others’.
  • Discipline cuts through transient emotions (like motivation) / and resistance (like laziness and procrastination).
  • Take risks. Learn from your mistakes. Teach yourself the art and flow of Life.
  • Think for yourself. Frame your own mindset.
  • Observe, Listen & Learn from the world around you.
  • Remove the fear of being wrong, the fear of failure.
  • Positive beliefs and self-talk.

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JOURNEY

JOURNEY

Be yourself, but always your better self.