you dont really realize the importance of self perseverance or self assurance or anything like that until someone close to you hints that they dont believe in you or what you aspire to be.
ive never been good at math. ever. sometimes i liked science but for the most part, i hated it. and social studies practically put me to sleep. P.E.? ugh no thanks. i did fall in love with drama though. i enjoyed acting, pretending to be someone you werent. i loved the history of it all, the techniques, the people that truly shaped broadway and changed movies forever. but at a young age i was told it was too difficult, it was too competitive, it’s not a reliable job, it’s too hard, too much rejection, i wouldnt last. after being told all this by my family and friends i figured they were right. how did i even think i could do it? so stupid. i tried dropping that dream and move on but its never completely left the back of my mind. other than drama, ive always been great in english. grammar, writing, stories, reading, all of it. i love it. it amazes me how simple words thrown together can change someones outlook and how stories and books can inspire people. i fell madly in love with literature at a young age.
as ive grown up and looked back at my childhood and all the adults around me, i decided that i would not settle. i wouldnt take an office job or a 9 to 5 job, no. i wanted something different. i want to be on my toes for the rest of my life. i never want to be bored. so what’s close to Hollywood acting but isnt? screenwriting. of course it isnt a walk in the park but what if i actually made it someday? to be able to tell a story…how amazing would that be? to know a story YOU wrote impacted a life? — just how movies have impacted me. it would be the greatest feeling, i know it. an oscar? an emmy? fan-freaking-tastic.
but of course when i told my mother of this, i could see the doubt set in on her face. when i mentioned it to my grandma, she brushed it off like dust. but i dont care. maybe i wont be a screenwriter. maybe ill fall hard on my face. maybe ill suck. maybe ill write the worst stories and never get picked up and become homeless. i wont know till im bleeding and crying on the side of the street, drinking, sobbing and asking myself what the fuck ive done.
as for now, this is what i believe. ive realized nobody can say anything to encourage or discourage you — it’s all you baby.
we are the people. no matter where you come from, no matter who raised you, you are capable of anything. nothing is easy but hard work pays off and if you want something, you have to bust your ass and go get it. dont stop till youve had enough and even then, push push push harder. reach for it. yell for it. kill for it. you can do anything. do what you want to better yourself. be better than yesterday and try harder tomorrow. believe in yourself because at the end of the day, you yourself is all ya got.
