A brief recap of President-Elect Donald “A Rapey Can of Fanta” Trump’s week of 11/27/16–12/3/16:

  • He said that a legal permanent resident, from Somalia via Pakistan, who committed a horrendous crime by driving his car into and then stabbing students at The Ohio State University, should not have been here and implied that extreme vetting would keep potential terrorists out. I call bullshit. Short of banning all muslims from entering the country — which Cheeto Jesus has, in fact, called for — nothing would have caught this attacker . His family doesn’t even believe he did this. But, whatever, fuck it. Let’s ban all muslims, right? Small problem, though, for all my supposed constitution-loving friends: does the First Amendment (“Amendment I. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”) not apply to Islam? By banning a group of people, identified by religion, you’re saying fuck the constitution.
  • He either got completely outplayed by United Tech (because now every single CEO knows how to beat Trump: threaten to ship jobs unless you get tax breaks), or he sacrificed $7M in taxes from the state of Indiana as a publicity stunt. Technically, it was the VP-Elect that made the deal since he is the sitting Governor of Indiana. Also, the deal only keeps up to half the jobs in Indiana — the rest are still going to Mexico. At least half those jobs just went to Mexico. For all y’all states rights folks, how are you not up in arms about federal overreach or something fucking stupid like that? And, by Friday evening, Ford Motor Co. CEO signaled their intent to work some favorable deals with Trump. Hair Hitler’s job is not to work out individual deals with individual companies. It’s to work out policies that apply equally to all companies in a sector. Seriously. Fuck this guy.
  • He got outplayed by Taiwan and pissed off China. China claims Taiwan as its territory. Taiwan wants independence similar to Hong Kong. Since 1992, pretty much everyone has agreed to the the idea of “One China” although nobody ever defined it. Further, even though we have trade deals, arms deals, etc with Taiwan, we have no official diplomatic relations. That means our diplomats don’t “officially” talk to their diplomats. Bullshit, yes. But, it at least keeps China happy-ish, and keeps little things like, oh, I don’t know, wars from breaking out. Anyway, this week, the new president of Taiwan called Trump to congratulate him on his win. Trump congratulated her on her win, thus legitimizing her office and her government. Then they both publicized it. Pissing off China. Trumplestiltskin’s defense was literally claiming she started it by calling him. I am all for changing things. Honestly. I think that Taiwan probably should be an independent state. But, given what we know about China, the likelihood of that desired outcome from these tactics is, by all accounts, extremely low. On the other hand, the magnitude of risk in poking China over a thing on which they are completely unwilling to negotiate is really. Fucking. High. Also, in case you’re thinking it’s just Donald “I literally admitted to sexual assault on a bus with Billy Bush” Trump being a decider, shaking up the status quo and draining the swamp or some other naive fucking bullshit, consider this quote from the Wall Street Journal:
By reaching out to Ms. Tsai, he will push China to decide whether to respond immediately or take more time to ascertain his intentions.
On Taiwan, unlike trade, China isn’t prepared to bargain. No Chinese leader could be seen backing down on the one issue that could realistically draw the U.S. and China into war; there is no political room to maneuver.

No big deal, though, right?

Other tremendous things our tiny-handed, Egomaniac in Chief did this week:

  • Praised Pakistani leader, pissing off India.
  • Praised the strongman leader of Kazakhstan.
  • Appointed a disgraced former General (who was fired for incompetence and is known for retweeting patently false conspiracy theories) as National Security Advisor.
  • Appointed a war-hawk general who sounds like a Harry Potter villain as Secretary of Defense.
  • Pissed of Russia enough that Putin warned about a renewed nuclear arms race.

But, yeah. He’s gonna be amazing. Tremendous. The best. Believe me. It’s unbelievable. We’re going to get so tired of winning.


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