My heart is the most foolish person I know.

She never learns. She never grows up. She’s that girl who’s always in love, but never loved. She’s that girl who is a good daughter, sister and friend, but never a lover. She’s who you call at 1 am because you need to cry, but the person you won’t call when you’re going out to party. My heart. My darling little blood pumper. When will you learn?

Just because you like someone and you build castles in the air…it doesn’t mean anything. Just because you dream of him tenderly pushing back a strand of hair before running his fingers through our mane…doesnt mean anything. You want his hands on our shoulders, circling our nipples before he laves them with his tongue. You want to be in love, and in lust. And how achingly funny, you are only lost. All the time. Every time.

Wake up my heart. Grow up. Turn to stone. There is no love here for you. The only lust you will find is in yourself. Never mirrored outside. Give up. Because of you, I am in constant pain. Constant agony. And constant lust. And I am tired. Tired of having you leap when you hear his name. Tired of having you stop when you find out he’s flirting with someone else. Tired of looking at every man and wondering if this one might be the one? Or on more desperate days, a one?

I beg you my heart. Have mercy on me.

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