These help me orgasm faster and feel more comfortable.

A woman’s head is tilted back and her eyes closed, as if experiencing an orgasm. #orgasm #sex #women
A woman’s head is tilted back and her eyes closed, as if experiencing an orgasm. #orgasm #sex #women
Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

I definitely took part in hookup culture when I was in college, in which I had sex fairly regularly. Having “p-in-v” sex scared me a little, but I was willing to give and receive oral sex.

As sex goes, I enjoyed it much more with some guys than others. A couple years later, I met my current girlfriend, and oral sex with her was even better. In my experience at least, women better understand what feels good because they have the same body parts. …


And what you can do to help each other and the relationship

A person sits in a pink bath filled with pink flowers. Their legs are crossed, and they hold a pink vibrator. #masturbation #bath #masturbate #vibrator
A person sits in a pink bath filled with pink flowers. Their legs are crossed, and they hold a pink vibrator. #masturbation #bath #masturbate #vibrator
Photo by Womanizer WOW Tech on Unsplash

Recently, I’ve been trying to work on myself, and here’s why: Almost every time my girlfriend masturbates, I feel bad. I feel jealous, insecure, anxious, frustrated, you name it.

And I hate I feel those ways.

I’m sex-positive, I love the idea of her masturbating, and I support her engaging with her body in ways that feel best. I never want her to do anything she’s uncomfortable with, and I know she enjoys having sex with me. But no matter what affirmations she gives me or I give myself, I can’t seem to shake the negative feelings.

If you also…


With and for people of all genders

A Black man and woman sit on opposite sides of the bed, facing away from each other. #relationship #dating #argument #mistake
A Black man and woman sit on opposite sides of the bed, facing away from each other. #relationship #dating #argument #mistake
Image by Alex Green on Pexels

Have you ever thought you were having amazing sex, only to realize that A, your partner wasn’t feeling as great as you thought, or B, you’d been missing out on a sensation that felt 10 times better? Yep, me too. It’s easy to miscommunicate during sex for a variety of reasons. We may think the sex we’re having is great, and it may actually be great, but we can also work to improve it for both ourselves and the other person.

From my personal experiences, here are 10 relatable sex mistakes you may be making without realizing, and how to…


Use clothes, kitchen items and more for hotter sex

A bra, underwear, journals, black hearts, a watch, and more.
A bra, underwear, journals, black hearts, a watch, and more.
Photo by Danijela Prijovic on Unsplash

While I love plain, vanilla sex, I’ve also become more curious about fun ways to get kinky with my girlfriend. She makes me feel comfortable in and out of the bedroom, and I appreciate the ways we’ve spiced things up so far. For these reasons, I want to experiment further, but without spending a ton of money.

When she mentioned getting kinky in homemade ways as a way to make a woman happy in bed, I realized that’s exactly what I want. To better understand our options, I did some research about avenues in which we can make this happen.


How my girlfriend shows love and how you can too.

Two girls are sitting in a relaxed space, kissing. #lesbian #love #relationships #dating #women #lesbians
Two girls are sitting in a relaxed space, kissing. #lesbian #love #relationships #dating #women #lesbians
Image by RODNAE Productions on Pexels

When you’re looking for a partner and even when you have one, it’s important to brainstorm what your needs are. What characteristics do you need your significant other to have so you can feel happy and loved?

You may worry you’re too needy or that you’re asking for too much, but remember this: You’re allowed to have and ask for what you need. You’re not too much. You don’t need to settle.

As someone who’s met her soulmate, I can confirm those truths firsthand. I have an amazing girlfriend, and I’m thankful for our sapphic relationship.

To get you started…


As a bisexual woman with an amazing girlfriend

One woman sits on a countertop kissing another woman standing beside her. #lesbians #sapphic #bisexual #kissing #relationship
One woman sits on a countertop kissing another woman standing beside her. #lesbians #sapphic #bisexual #kissing #relationship
Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels

I’ve dated or hooked up with several more men than I have women, and while dating a man has its pros, I can confidently say I recommend being in a relationship with another woman instead.

Since my girlfriend is a lesbian woman and I’m a bisexual woman, we’re in a “sapphic” relationshipwhich means we’re both women attracted to other women. I want to clarify here as well that we’re both cisgender, meaning we identify as the sex we were assigned at birth. However, I don’t believe that’s a “requirement” for identifying as sapphic.

From our time in the…


That work for me and my girlfriend

Two people sit in bed together and lean against each other. #lesbians #romantic #dating #sapphic #love #relationship #sex
Two people sit in bed together and lean against each other. #lesbians #romantic #dating #sapphic #love #relationship #sex
Photo by Gabby K on Pexels

You’ve dimmed the lights and you’re feeling excited: You’re about to have sex with a woman. Maybe you’ve done it together before, maybe you haven’t, maybe you’ve only experienced it with someone else. Great sex is exhilarating, but how exactly does it work? Can it improve?

According to experts, sex with your partner can improve, and through a variety of sexual activities. I want to help you figure out what some of those are.

When I had sex with a woman for the first time, I didn’t know any of the activities or tips. I was feeling all of the…


Penis size, vaginal odor, performance, body image, and orgasms

Different phallic vegetables lined up with condoms and a ruler, next to strawberry slices. #sex #penissize #sizedoesntmatter
Different phallic vegetables lined up with condoms and a ruler, next to strawberry slices. #sex #penissize #sizedoesntmatter
Image by Deon Black on Pexels

If you feel insecure in bed or prefer sex with the lights off, you’re far from alone. From how we look to how we act, feeling self-conscious is easy, especially with a new partner.

When I feel insecure about something, I like to look at the facts and logic that can help negate my worries. I know that most of the time, our anxieties have no basis in any real danger or reason for shame.

To help others who are also struggling with common sexual insecurities, I pulled together some empathetic truths that may help.

1. Penis Size

The concern

According to one study, a…


About my sex noises, body, and more

Two people lay in bed. One kisses the other’s forehead, who’s smiling. #lesbian #sapphic #lesbiansex #lesbianrelationship
Two people lay in bed. One kisses the other’s forehead, who’s smiling. #lesbian #sapphic #lesbiansex #lesbianrelationship
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels

My current girlfriend is the first woman I ever had sex with, and my experiences with women other than her are slim. This is to say she’s taught me a lot about how to have sex with women and what it’s like. Since she’s more experienced and since I’m anxious, I’ve often felt insecure in the bedroom with her, even though she’s kind and affirming, and even though we’ve dated for almost two years.

I know that communication helps make sex better, so I sometimes speak honestly with her about these worries of mine. Thankfully, she’s respectful, understanding, and quick…


Have better “sexy talk”

A woman is whispering or touching a man’s face with her face, and he seems sad. #whisper #sexy #communication #turnoff #sad
A woman is whispering or touching a man’s face with her face, and he seems sad. #whisper #sexy #communication #turnoff #sad
Photo by Ezequiasphotography on Pixabay

As I’m sure many people can say, I’ve had plenty of positive and negative sexual experiences. I’ve been turned on and turned off. I’ve made mistakes, and my partners have made mistakes. I’ve had amazing orgasms, and I’d like to think my partners did too.

And I’ve also heard some comments that were, in my opinion, problematic and hurtful. These comments turned me off from what we were doing, making me feel insecure and self-conscious.

In hopes I can help people have more emotionally comfortable sex, I’d like to share those comments. But first, I want to clarify something: We…

The Sex & Secrets Column

Just a 20-something woman writing about her experiences with sexuality, sex, mental health, abuse, and anything else she keeps secret.

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