Why Is It Bad?

This week I’m breaking my usual format a little to tell the story of a good friend of mine.

I received several different versions of this statement submitted to me.

“The type of porn you watch is indicative of what you really want.”

“You should always act on your fantasies”

“Your sex dreams/fantasies are indicative of what you really want.”

Maybe I never thought of things this way because some of my earliest exposure was Japanese tentacle porn. Or maybe I was just never told this, but my friends were, and it did affect them.

I had a dear friend…

Why Is It Bad?

Confession time. I completely misunderstood this when I first read this submission, but context is everything. When I first started learning about sex, one of the first things I read was to make sure your woman comes first (in hindsight, that rule doesn’t actually apply 100% of the time), and that was my practice from the beginning. So when I read today’s submission I was a bit confused. Then, someone clarified that this piece of “advice” was meant to be delivered after sex, and it all became clear.

This is another instance of orgasm focused sex. While the intent might…

Why Is It Bad?

Remember how last week I said it’s okay to laugh during sex? Please laugh at this myth! Have a nice hard laugh. ;-P

Movies, pornography, erotica, and romantic novels often sell this idea of climaxing together. If those are the only examples of sex that you see, you might have an unrealistic expectation for your own sexual encounters. I’ve previously covered the harm of focusing on orgasm alone — specifically the shame and disappointment that can snowball from those unmatched expectations. Simultaneous orgasm isn’t a common occurrence. …

Why Is It Bad?

Wow. If this was a rule, I probably would never have had sex. In fact, if you’re never letting yourself laugh during sex, I have to ask, what ARE you doing? Are you just completely silent like a pair of mannequins? Is it just a bunch of grunts and moans? If you ask me, that’s pretty funny by itself. Humor is often recommended as a way to attract someone. Why should that stop at the sack? …

Why Is It Bad?

I’m going to make a little confession. Every time I sit down and open the week’s submission of bad sex advice my immediate reaction is “Just No!” Then I put myself in the shoes of someone who hasn’t had as much sexual education as myself and I am able to write a message to you all.

This week’s submission is a real challenge though, because it’s simply incorrect. You can definitely pass on sexually transmitted infections when engaging in oral sex. …

Why Is It Bad?

What might not seem obvious from these few words is how quickly an opportunity for growth and real human interaction was transformed into objectification. We have someone who is curious and asks “how do I know when my partner is ready?” and instead of being told how to interact with a person, their partner was reduced to a body part. To make things worse, it’s not even accurate.

There are a plethora of reasons a person might be wet that have nothing to do with being ready for sex. The most frequent reason is probably just random wetness, just like…

Why Is It Bad?

There is a famous line that was originated by Reid Mihalko (or Charlie Glickman they both came up with it at the same time) and recently made popular again by Jameela Jamil, “learning about sex from porn is like learning how to drive from the fast and the furious.” Jameela then adds, “a fucking terrible idea” and moves onto her next point. Today’s post is gonna be about just why it’s a “fucking terrible idea.”

Using porn as an accurate representation of sex will fill your mind with loads of expectations that can wreak havoc on your self-esteem. Porn is…

Why Is It Bad?

This week’s submission is a two-in-one, so strap in.

Making sex all about the orgasm is like having a two-hour long four-course meal where everything is bland except dessert, and that dessert is a bite-sized macaron. Your entire meal is judged only on whether or not that macaron is good enough. That’s way too much pressure, and a huge waste of food. The same is true of sex. Focusing all your attention on orgasm will make you super nervous, which might make you get there too fast, or not at all. Either way, you’ll feel disappointed. That can lead into…

Why Is It Bad?

This idea is used so that people don’t have to go through the awkwardness of explaining sex to someone else, or worse, to cover up the fact that they don’t know what they’re talking about.

Originally, the statement was meant to make people feel less shame about wanting sex. Over time it took on a completely different meaning. Instead of putting people at ease this “advice” leaves people feeling powerless or ignorant.1A person may feel like they have no control over their sexual fulfillment or that something is wrong with them and they are doomed to never enjoy sex, since…

Coach Lex

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store