December Shenanigans

Before I say anything, it was all Tayo’s fault. He had reiterated over and over throughout the entire 2015 how lit the first edition of Olamide Live In Concert was in December 2014, so as it were, I had no excuses. I had to attend OLIC2 Hashtag BeastMode.

Oshey Baddest.

The day started fine. We spent some time at the office looking at figures and generally revelling in the euphoria of improved sales performance due to the festive period. Safe to say that the mood was set for a major turn up later in the day. As it drew close to evening, I drove to Number One supermarket in Ilupeju and bought a bottle of Jameson. Ghens.

The Devil™

I drew two long shots and my head was clear. Called PJ to get ready and made my way to Surulere. Now waiting for her to get ready is no mean feat, so as I waited in my car for the queen of my country to put together her makeup and make her fashion statement, guess what, I drew another two shots of Jameson.

We drove to Eko Hotel in fifteen minutes and this is where the adventures of December truly began. First thing I did was a piece of really smart driving at the gates of Eko Hotel. Or so I thought. A Toyota Matrix had left some space in the queue, and before the driver could close up, I drove into the space and left him honking like a MF. Haha. Welcome to Lagos.

As we entered the premises of Eko Hotel and drove say about 50 meters. The Toyota Matrix closed me down and four ladies jumped down, hitting my bonnet, screaming and mouthing words I could not make out. Security personnel had rushed to the scene and held on to my door, insisting that I should not come down from my car. But I just wanted to ask the lady something. I needed to know if she had just moved to Lagos. I came down from my car and in the exchange of words, one of the ladies grabbed my shirt and I had to hold her back. Wrong move.

After a bit of pacification from the security detail, I climbed back into my Primera. I knew one thing already. I had not conducted myself properly and PJ was livid. However, not one to dampen the turn up spirit, she didn’t make too much of a fuss and we went on our merry way. Parking was a bitch and when I did eventually find a place to park, guess who parked next to me? That’s right, the Matrix. (I even warned her not to go further into a bit of quicksand that could get her stuck, but she wasn’t having it. Where were my gentleman manners when I grabbed her friend?). I drew another shot of Jameson

Got my tix (regular) from the progenitor of this higi haga aka Tayo and stepped into the function with enlivened swag.

Tell me this is a joking stuvv.

There must have been at least three million people in regular. Squeezing through and stepping on not very few toes, we finally found a place to sit and try to enjoy the concert. The unfortunate choice however, was that we chose to sit at a place where the walkway was directly in front of us, so apart from people stepping on our feet, some folks would choose to just stand directly in your line if sight to the stage. Tempers were already flaring and it wasn’t looking pretty, but still we were here to have a good time.

We had enjoyed only a few performances when PJ asked me to hold her bag (which I naturally do anyway, I am a gentleman), at this point we had to stand on the chairs to get a clear line of sight to the stage. So with the bag draped over my shoulders and still trying to rock to the gbedu, I began hitting this heavyset dude behind me with the bag. Needless to say he wasn’t pleased and struck me with his fist. I turned back fiercely and mouthed a few curse words, with Tayo and other folks holding me back. Good thing they did though cos that guy for beat me wella

Then I had a moment. A quick recap in my head about the entire evening showed zero enjoyment. It had been fighting and haggling and struggle and strife. Is this what is meant when people say they turnt up?

Olamide and his cohorts were having a good time on stage, coming out one after the other to mime songs I’d just listened to in the car before I got here. I was in no way less stressed than I was before I got here. The folks in VIP didn’t even look any different, people were standing all over the place and I’m pretty sure they were stepping on each others feet as well.

Nah mehn. This struggle is not for me. Until I get my money up — high enough to get a table for myself (and the wife, of course) with a couple of friends, I’d be watching the proceedings of these concerts on HipTV.

P.S: Did I mention that when I grabbed the lady, I kinda sorta grabbed her by the neck? I’m no woman beater, but she was scantily clad, and the only other part I could have grabbed was her breasts and that would have been much worse.

Remember, it was all Tayo’s fault.