A Guide For The Bride With No Support
H urray!! Yay! Finally! You’re Engaged!!! Maybe you knew it was coming, & maybe it caught you by total surprise, either way, all you know is you’re over the moon about getting married! So happy you finally found the right person to share your life with, you can’t wait to share the news with friends & family! But what if the news of your engagement had been anything less than that to those who were closest to you….
I know we’d all really like to believe that when a couple gets engaged, everyone’s excited, big parties will be thrown, families will come together, everyone will be ready to pitch in for the wedding, all that good stuff that you’d expect, given that each family is unique in their matrimonial beliefs. When it comes down to it, you expect love & support at the very least.
But, the sad truth is that simply isn’t the case for all brides.
Today it seems as though weddings are more of a source of stress & conflict, rather than the witnessing of love between two families. Having been trying to plan my own wedding for months, I’ve witnessed many things in my journey to walk down the aisle. From ugly family gatherings, to money hungry wedding vendors, weddings seem to have become more about what others define as “tradition”, or money.
I thought the whole point of getting married was to publicly declare your eternal love with the person you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your days with? All while getting to throw a fabulous party with the people you love & dress to the nines. But sometimes, that just isn’t how reality is.
Many families, sometimes even friends, disapprove of who you marry, or how you want to proceed with your big day. And boy does that take the wind right out of your sails when you’ve finally reached that point in your life when you’re getting married & settling down. Getting married is a BIG DEAL! To not have support from the ones you need it, is crushing. Especially because this is one of the biggest days of your life! It’s understandable to feel hurt when you’re not getting the support & approval you would like to have.
Brides almost always feel guilty about something over their wedding. Guilt over not including something or someone, spending too much or not enough money, whatever it might be, we’ve been made to feel bad for wanting something the way we would like it on our big day, or even just getting married at all! But you’re the one who’s getting married, so you totally should have everything that you want, or at least the bare minimum for your wedding dreams within reason. This includes your loved ones being present, but if they don’t support your decision, or show zero enthusiasm, what’s a bride to do?
- Don’t feel guilty! For anything you want for your wedding day, or who you’re marrying from here on out. Just because the people you counted on aren’t supporting you, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the wedding of your dreams. (Even if your own brother tells you that you don’t deserve it, you do.)
- Decide your best course of action. Before going any further with wedding planning, it’s important to take a step back a realize what would make you happiest, not just for the remainder of your engagement, but for your wedding as well. Would it be best to have a smaller wedding or elope? Can you have a sit down with the people overriding your wedding day? Whatever would help you have a better wedding, you should do it. You don’t want to look back on your wedding day & remember it as a source of disappointment just to accommodate others, or even worse, hold off all together on the marriage. It’s best to make adjustments sooner, rather then later for your wedding.
- Don’t allow bumps in the road discourage you from getting married. It goes without saying that every couple faces it’s challenges when getting ready to tie the knot. Whether nobody is getting on the same page, you can’t find your dream dress, you have literally no money, or you & your fiance just can’t agree, it happens to all of us, so it’s usually normal to experience whatever troubles you’re going through. However, they shouldn’t be the reason to break off your engagement. If there’s a series of problems happening, the key is to take some time to yourself to breathe & access your situation, because wedding planning is stressful, no matter how big or small.
- Remember, you’re getting married because you love your partner. The whole reason you’re getting married, is because you love your partner. They’re who you’re choosing to create & build a life with, not your friends or family. You’re still getting married, so cherish that. You get to spend the rest of your time here with someone your really love, & that’s pretty freaking amazing!
- You can still have an amazing engagement, & an incredible wedding! Even if you aren’t getting your ideal wedding with the people you’d imagined being there, you most certainly can still have, & deserve, an amazing wedding day! After all, it’s about you & your other half, not who is there to witness it. Why bother having someone there who isn’t supportive? It just kills the energy of your day, trust me, it’s better to just enjoy yourself and your time with your partner. There’s many ways to have a smaller wedding & still go ALL OUT!
Recognize that you or your wedding day isn’t any less special, even when your wedding news brings negativity from others around you. You have the power to ignore that negativity & enjoy your life, with your partner, & all of your wedding day bliss! When you listen to your heart & not the voices of others, you will feel much better moving forward with your wedding. It may change your entire wedding day you originally planned, I know it certainly changed mine from a party of 30, to a party of 2! But it will absolutely be worth it in the end, because you did exactly what you wanted, with who you wanted.