With(out) Teeth

It’s hard being a guy bad teeth.

Mostly through no fault of my own, some things I could have helped certainly, but mostly I was dealt a bit of bad dentitional luck. In general a person with my look is derided or at best pitied, and let me tell you, it’s not always an easy life. My pre and postnatal development neglected to include the part where one develops a complete set of adult teeth, so the lower front teeth are not there, and in other places throughout my mouth there are gaps where say a canine should be. Missing these makes two things quite difficult: chewing and smiling.

Being that I’ve spent the better part of my life sans teeth, chewing is something that has been for the most part overcome, I can easily use the other side of my mouth for canine work, for example. Biting can be a bit of a chore without your four front lower teeth but noshing on a few baguettes will callous up the gums and make it significantly easier, so after a while it is pretty normal. Though with all of this a benefit is flossing can certainly be much easier with a few extra spaces to get some waxed cord through when needed.

Smiling is another story, it is not an easy thing to accomplish. Sure my mouth muscles work as advertised, but that doesn’t make me want to do it. October is certainly a difficult month, I constantly surrounded by carved pumpkins with a much more attractive smile than I can manage. For a time I went the orthodontic route, braces and fake teeth attached. It worked rather well, though it was painful. I am sure most people with braces have plenty of pain but this often felt like it was more than to be expected. Plastic fake teeth rubbing on bare gums, tightened wires, rubber bands. All of that pulling already bad looking teeth into a place. And frankly I didn’t take good enough care of them, not by a long shot, When you are a teenager and stupid, well, you do stupid things. One day I hope to be financially sound enough to put my money where my mouth is. I don’t know that I’d ever go full implants, but it would be wonderful to fix the jumble that I was taxed with into something slightly more presentable.

I’m sure there are benefits to teeth like this. An identifiable punk rock look. An identifiable body were I to be caught by a serial killer and cremated. A reason to scowl in photos. I am certainly thankful for friends who while I am sure they notice don’t assume that I’ve spent too much time playing hockey or doing meth. Or at least they haven’t said that to my face.

Seriously people, I don’t play hockey.

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