Instagram : SHADE HUTSON TWITTER: @SHADE_LIL

Intorducsion in to my life.

Hello my name is abdullah but i am well known as shade. I am 26 years old.

Welcome to my life:

I being in a wheelchair for over 20 years now. Here you will get to know what i like and what gets me anger and what makes me sad, also you will get to learn how i deal with things and much more…

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Depressoin is no joke!

I use to be very positive with everything but latery things have got really hard to deal with in my life. Most of the day i find myself in my room in deep thought about my life. These thought can be angry, sad or suicide thoughts. I dont know why but they always come to me at night, where i just sit in bed and just think to my self about life.

23/04/20017

I woke up this morning crying, i feel like i cant escape from my problems, one day i can be feeling ok the next i can be feeling like shit. You might be thinking why do i get so upset at times. Well i have being though alot in life, i mean i can deal with being in a wheelchair and all the things that come with it from the car accedeint. About a year ago i developed a bladder infection. The doctors have gave me all type of Antibiotics that work for about a week then am back to square one, plus i had alot of antibiotics so i am kind of Immune to the drug now. I feel so alone most of the time because i feel like onone knows what im going though and sometimes it makes me angry when people say “ dont worry it will get better” when people say that to me i got so angry because how can they say that when they aint going though.

30/04/20017

Its early in the morning here, everyone is upstairs sleeping. I am downstairs just thinking to myself how can life changes so fast, i mean 3 years ago i was the man i had so much friends around me i was going places with people i thoughts were my mates, i was always there for them if they needed help, i always tryed to help them in the best way i could with money or anything else, now i can honesty say i have about 5 real mates i can count on, i know they will always be there. I’ve learned that everyone comes and goes, i guess you guys have now kinda figured out that i am a wheelchair user . On some days i do think that if i was still walking maybe people would of stuck round me abit longer, at the same time i guess its kind of a good thing i dont have them people in my life anymore. Now days i keep my circle small, that way i dont get hurt as much.

Time has changes alot

1991- 2017.

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04/05/2017

i got to the point where i just had enough of my depression,i just want to give up. things are getting so bad with my infection, i am not angry because of the infection am angry because i dont really know how it come about and that it keep coming back and at this point i just really dont know what to do, i being to the doctors but they really dont know the cure for it. So i called my dad and he said that i should listen to some Motivational talks. So that’s what I done, it did help me out for a bit but after a while I found myself back to square one. That’s when I knew something in me had to change, deep down I know I am the only one who can help myself ,I can’t make my depression go away but I can busy myself with things to take my mind of it.

09/05/2017

its early in the morning here and i am actually going to surprise you all, this morning because for once in a long time i actually feel good and positive. I guess listening to them Motivational talks helped me out a little bit, Obviously I don’t just listen to Motivational talks on YouTube. I am always updating this little diary am doing for you guys and sometimes I just like writing poems or if I get some days were I am really feeling lazy I just sit back with my headphone on and listen to something interesting and that’s what I do on most days.

Its 11:17 A.M, I just woke up and I am feeling really good. I don’t know what it is but lately I being feeling really positive in myself, I feel like nothing can get me down.

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My life is like a rollercoster it always goes up and down. Most of my life is nothing but struggle and pain that’s what i have to deal with, that’s what i being dealing with from the age of 6 years old. I believe everything that has happend to me has happend for a reason and i do believe ( what ever dosen’t kill you makes you stronger )

Its 21:20 P.M, i forgot to tell you that on 31/03/2017, me and my family moved in to a new house, i am going to bed early tonight, because i got a meeting early in the morning about an extension for the house to make it more suitable for me, because right now im literally stuck in one room. I do hope all goes well.

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10/05/2017

its 12:11 P.M, remember i said i had a meeting ? turns out i got the days mixed up, the meeting is actually on this Monday Morning I will be having that meeting. Anyway a few days ago I phoned up the wheelchair repair service team in Solihull, because my power wheelchair battery being running out really fast, So I spoke to them about changing the battery. The team came out today to replace the battery, only to find out they ordered the wrong one. So now they got to go back and older the right one for my wheelchair, which will take another week, which means I got to wait another week.

I was really looking forward to get outside the house today in my wheelchair.

Its 14:47, P.M, I am home alone, I am trying not to fall in to that depression mood. I really wish my wheelchair was fixed so I could go outside because I have not really being outside the house since 31/03.2017. I have a manual wheelchair but I use that for the indoors of my home and I would of used the powered wheelchair today for going outside if it was fixed.

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(My life isn’t easy, I’m scared off being happy

Because things can changes so fast in my life in a blink of an eye but whatever happens I will never quit)

(It doesn’t matter how you start, it matters how you finish!)

(if you can see it in your dreams you can make it in to a realty)

(People who doubt me give me the energy to do it so I can prove them wrong at the end)

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Never give up

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be famous, I promised myself that one day I would get there. I’ve never gave up on that, I am 26 years old now and I am still trying to be on TV, I feel that time is coming soon. People always tell me that I need to be more realistic about my dreams and my goals, people say that I am crazy and that I need to wake up and stop dreaming. No matter what people say to me I will never stop trying to do what I want to do. People might think I’m a bit crazy but what they don’t understand is that I already see myself on TV being interviewed, it might not of happened yet but it’s going too because I am going to make it happen. Sometimes I find myself day dreaming a lot from time to time. I’m a person that will think of anything and when I say anything I mean anything and if I like the idea of, I will make it happen. Nothing is impossible, thing only get impossible if you let them.

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12/05/2017

Its 16:43, I just had an argument on facebook, all I did was make a post that I am writing a book about my life. All of a sudden I get people making comments saying that, we don’t care about it or go and kill yourself it would make a better story. I tell them what I tell everyone who doubts me or likes to try and make a joke out of me and that is without a doubt one day I will be on your TV screens.

I am kind of pisssed of today. Remember I told you about the Solihull team replacing my wheelchair battery? Well I phoned them yesterday, BASICALLY

They said I might have to wait a week or two for the replacement, so I am a bit hacked off to be honest.

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15/05/2007

Its 00:33 A.M, a few days ago I was fine till I heard some negative things and to be honest that hit me hard and had me feeling depressed for about two whole days. Tonight I am feeling a bit better then I was two days ago. I always bounce back whatever it is, I will never understand why people hate on you, when all you’re doing is trying to better yourself. I said it before and ill say it again, I don’t care if the whole world doubts me. I will do what I said I will do, just watch me.

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The moment my life changed for ever!

Information about me

(I was born as Joshua mark hutson on the 21/03/91, in south-east London England.

But changed my name to Abdullah afterwards becoming Muslim plus I use my step dad last name which is grillo.)

I was born as a healthy baby I can remember growing up as a very hyperactive child I was pretty much running everywhere no one could control me. My dad got offered a really good job overseas in Dubai so we would fly over there. At the age of 6 I was involved in a car accident in Dubai which changed my life forever leaving me paralysed in a wheelchair. I was in a comer for about a month or two, after that time I woke up, I was in such a bad way my tongue was split in too because when I got hit by the car, I hit the ground with such a strong impact that I bite my tongue, I had a lot off tubes coming out of me, I couldn’t really move my right hand, I have a tube in my neck which is called a tracheostomy tube that helps me breath, they have tried to remove it so many times but I just can’t breathe without it.

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