#87 3 things you should never do at a concert (around me)

Shadi Mirza
Jul 27, 2017 · 2 min read

Don’t be that guy

I enjoy live music. More specifically, I get to enjoy live music because family members are ready and willing to watch the girls whenever I want to have fun after 7PM. And with one concert coming up in the near future, Dream Theater, and another coming up in 2018, Black Violin, I’ve started thinking about concert goers (e.g. the people I have to look at before the show and in between songs).

If you happen to be one of these people, here are some things you can do to not be lame and ruin my good time:

1. Do the thing where you make “devil horns” with both hands and then smash them together to make one massive devil horn.

Too much metal for one hand? Stahp. I’ve been to a lot of really heavy shows—Dillinger Escape Plan, Children of Bodom, Behemoth, Amon Amarth and Fear Factory, to name a few—and, while they rocked pretty hard, not a single one of them slayed hard enough to warrant a double-fisting. If you’re standing in front of me and feel the need to do this, please kindly step into the aisle, or lay down on the floor next to the stale beer and dried chewing gum, where you belong.

2. Wear the t-shirt of the band you’re going to see.

You mean it’s not enough that you paid $50 a ticket and $90 in service fees to see Slayer — you have to wear their shirt, too? Dude, unless the concert was free, the financial reaming you took just to get through the door is evidence enough that you like the band. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. A notable exception is if you literally just bought the band’s t-shirt at the merch table and don’t feel like carrying it. I can’t fault you for being lazy.

3. Criticize my taste in music.

When you roll up to me primed with a zinger about the Mastodon shirt I wore to a Dream Theater concert, the only thing you’re telling me is that your horizons are as narrow as a crack in the sidewalk. Being a fan of mainstream metal doesn’t preclude me liking progressive rock. I like dancehall music and hip hop, too. Even the members of Cannibal Corpse listen to hardcore rap. Broaden your tastes, bro.

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