I don’t want to rain on your parade and I do believe that all mom even mean ones like you claim to be, deserved respect and admiration. But having survived 2 children who been 2 teen aged girls, I think I can speak from experience. You set the wrong foundation for your children. My girls knew from the start who’s boss, I was and the boss does not take crap from anyone. It was hard at first, the first time one of them threw a tantrum in a mall and I stood my ground until she stopped was horrible. Everyone looked at me like I was the parent from hell. But guess what, she never threw a tantrum, ever again, counting on 23 years now. They knew they cannot push me so they don’t. You didn’t and now they push you all they want and that unfortunately, makes you feel like you are a mean mom. I don’t think you are a bad mom, but you made the mistake of treating your kids like adults when they have to be treated like kids who are growing up. It is your duty as a parent to form their personalities and behaviors early in life. You made the assumption that they were tiny adults who needed to discover who they. No, kids and kids personalities are not there out of the box or womb. They are a blank slate and you the parent are the author of what goes on that slate. This is the part of parenting that you missed.