When your walk down Infertility Lane takes a hard left…
After an IUI comes the dreaded two week wait until you can take a test. Basically, there’s a wait regardless of IUI or natural conception, but I think with IUI recipients it’s a big thing because you know the exact day you can test. It’s not like oh I’ll just wait to see if I get my period or not — nope it’s a hard fast date in Sharpie on the calendar.
During our two week wait I tried not to think about it too much. There were 14 days of unknown and worrying about it wouldn’t make them go any faster, so instead, we joked. I’d touch my belly and tell Blair I couldn’t lift anything heavy because I was with child — when he picked on me I’d say ohhhh Baby M is not happy with you! We smiled and laughed and waited…but not with baited breath.
The whole wait I was aware and accepting of the fact that this try may not work for us. Of course, I was hoping and praying it would, but was also preparing for if it didn’t. I sat down with my prior ‘calendar of events’ relating to the Clomid/IUI process and figured I would have the exact right amount of days to try the cycle again. I would literally be getting the IUI the same day we’re scheduled to leave MN. Talk about cutting it close! I had everything planned out and was glad it was, at least, going to work out time-wise if we had to try again.
The two weeks passed and it was time. I took two different tests at two different times of day.
It hit harder than I was ready for. I knew there’d be a sting in my heart, but thought that since I’d mentally and emotionally prepared myself to be ok with whatever happened, it’d be relatively harmless. Turns out, it wasn’t. I’m not broken, distraught, or left hopeless — but I am sad. I’m sad because we’re ready for this and are actively trying to grow our family but it’s just not working. I’m sad because, with each thing that doesn’t work, time is passing and that’s scary. I’m sad because I think doctoring to get pregnant from the road will be much harder than actually being pregnant on the road. Mostly, I’m sad because it feels like the business deal continues…it would have been fun and exciting to just have it work and start our next adventure with the joy of growing a new life, but instead, more doctor visits.
After processing that this wasn’t our month, I left a message with my nurse to let her know what was going on. When she called back I knew what she was going to say — start the Clomid on cycle day 3, come in on the 6th for an ultrasound and trigger shot, and again on the 8th for an IUI. Ok…well that sucks but at least I knew the drill.
And then — a hard left.
During a prior ultrasound, they found a polyp on my uterus. My doctor wasn’t concerned at the time and said we should just proceed as recommended; we’d address it further down the line if needed. Lots of women get them and many times they have no influence on fertility or pregnancy so I wasn’t worried about it either. Because this round of Clomid/IUI didn’t work, and there is no reason it shouldn’t have, the polyp has become a concern. I was given the option of getting another ultrasound to confirm the polyp, it’s size, ect. and then do surgery in a couple weeks OR go straight for the surgery. Because we’re leaving Sept 8th and doing the ultrasound first would have meant that I would have had to get the surgery somewhere in Maine, it seemed a better option to do that here with the doctor I’ve been seeing. So on Sept 7th, the day before we leave MN, I’ll go in for a hysteroscopy to remove the polyp and any other gunk that might be floating around in there. After that, we’ll find out what the next steps are.
This wasn’t how I thought it was going to go. It’s not the way anyone hopes it’ll go. BUT, there is absolutely nothing either one of us can do, or could have done, to make our journey any different. We are taking each bump along the road for what it is, knowing each one brings us closer to our BS Family…