Understanding ego: Its influence on Relationships & Personal Growth

Know how your ego can help you become more resilient, motivated and achieve your goals. Also, know how it improves your relationships.

Riddhi Shah Chheda
4 min readMar 17, 2023

Imagine waking up in the morning without having a name. How will we distinguish ourselves from others?

From the moment we take our first breath, our ego comes into existence. It influences our relationships & personal growth. It plays a crucial role in providing us with an identity & influences our behavior. But, it can have both negative & positive influences. A healthy ego boosts our confidence, whereas a negative ego can result in arrogance and critical behavior toward others.

We will learn about the psychological nature and function of the ego in this article. We will also explore its potential for positive and negative influence on our relationships and personal growth. Now let’s explore the negative influence of ego on our relationships & personal growth.

Photo by Sheldon Kennedy On Unsplash

The negative influence of ego on relationships & Personal growth:

The ego can significantly impact our relationships and hinder personal growth. It clouds our sense of what is right or wrong. It can impede our ability to change as needed. It also impacts our efforts to improve our relationships. For instance, an individual driven by ego may find difficulty in accepting constructive criticism or feedback. This inability to take feedback can hinder personal growth and strain relationships. It creates an ongoing need to seek validation from others. It can also lead us to hold resentment when others do not meet our expectations. But, we can transform its negative impact into positive growth. It can happen by realizing that the ego reflects aspects of who we are, our surroundings, and our needs.

Now that we have explored the negative aspects. Let’s delve into the psychological nature of the ego and its potential for both positive and negative influence.

The psychological nature of the ego:

The ego provides valuable insights into our inner world. It also tells us, how we perceive ourselves when compared to others. It encompasses our hidden desires, wishes, and wants. It also acts as a protective shield to help us navigate the external world. By exploring, Sigmund Freud’s concepts, we can gain a deeper understanding of the psychological nature of the ego. We will also gain insight into its impact on relationships and personal growth.

Sigmund Freud an Austrian neurologist tried to explain this in 1923 through his psychoanalytic theory.

This is an iceberg image. Both the bigger part which is submerged in water & upper part which is smaller is shown in the picture. This picture is used to understand our mind, ego & mental states of our personality.
Photo by Sinon Lee on Unsplash

It outlined three levels of the mind: unconscious, pre-conscious & conscious minds.

Unconscious mind: It includes repressed thoughts, hidden memories, and uncomfortable emotions. These emotions remain inaccessible to our awareness and control like the submerged part of the iceberg.

Pre-conscious mind: It includes beliefs, thoughts, memories, and emotions that have not entered our conscious awareness. It filters the information before it reaches our conscious mind.

Conscious mind: It represents our present feelings. It enables rational thinking and the ability to delay Pleasure fulfillment. (Hunger or sex). It is an active processing system under our control.

Freud’s theory also includes three components of personality: Id, Ego & Super-ego. Our Conscious, Pre-conscious, and Unconscious minds influence these components.

Id: It represents our primal desires(Hunger/sex, etc.) & seeks immediate fulfillment. It generates discomfort when needs are unmet. In childhood, it ensures our needs are met(crying when hungry). It suppresses all unpleasant feelings/memories & resides in the unconscious mind.

Super-ego: It develops around the age of 5 when we learn societal laws. It acts as a moral regulator, guiding us in distinguishing right from wrong. It exists in the unconscious and conscious minds fulfilling our needs according to norms.

The ego: It acts as a mediator between the id and super-ego. It strives to fulfill our desires, keeping in mind the moral standards set by the super-ego. It operates in the conscious and pre-conscious mind. It ensures that our actions align with societal acceptance.

Now that we have explored the negative influence and psychological aspects of the ego. Let’s shift our focus to its positive influence on relationships & personal growth.

Also, read 5 Ways to Use Your Ego Effectively.

Positive Influence of Ego on our relationships & personal growth:

When managed well, the ego becomes a valuable tool for enhancing relationships and personal growth. It plays a crucial role in maintaining our identity. It also protects us from being undervalued. It helps us with our needs & also gives us a sense of self. For example, a well-managed ego can motivate individuals to pursue their goals despite obstacles. It provides the drive and determination needed to overcome challenges. In relationships, it assists in managing our feelings by recognizing our needs and communicating in a positive way. For instance, a person with a well-controlled ego can put aside their biases. It helps them be attentive to their partner’s perspective & leads to improved connection. It can also help us in challenging situations. It can strengthen our determination, self-assurance, and ability to bounce back. The ego thinks it can do everything & hence, it also empowers us to overcome challenges.

Overall, the ego’s role in relationships and personal growth is a delicate balance, with both negative and positive influences. The negative aspects can hamper our growth & relationships. But, it is essential to realize that the ego also has the potential for a positive impact too. It can help us with resilience, motivation, and goal achievement. In relationships, it assists us to recognize our needs & communicate them without conflict. We can transform limitations into opportunities by nurturing self-awareness. Also, embracing positive aspects of ego will help us foster fulfilling relationships.

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Riddhi Shah Chheda

Psychologist, counselor, spiritual seeker, fitness and defence enthusiast.